unmuffled thoughts from an unbridled individual

I Wasn't a Craigslist Killer...I Swear

2012-01-27T02:45:00.000-05:00

Life is Austin has been slow at times; sitting in coffee shop after coffee shop (really just the same shop) applying for jobs one after another; taking some time off from job hunting to look on craigslist for free furniture. And having found an amazing leather couch sectional just to have it go to the Jones'; who, word have it, are still living better than me.

While this life is pretty exhilarating I had to take some time off from job and furniture hunting to have a little fun. Mind you that the fun I'm talking about having is 26 year-old I'm-looking-for-a-job-in-a-coffee-shop kind of fun and not the I'm-18-going-to-get-a-little-crazy fun. So I decided to do a little social experiment. I posted on craigslist this ad on the 20th of Janurary at 12:08pm:

Free $1 (Epoch Coffee)

Date: 2012-01-20, 12:08PM CST
Reply to: your anonymous craigslist address will appear here

I have one crisp new dollar bill free for whoever wants it...no kidding. I'm at Epoch Coffee House on North Point. My name is Page. 512.663.7513. Just call when you get here and I'll give you a nice new dollar bill. It's 12:06 on the 20th and I'll probably be here another 2 hours.

The funny thing I thought was I was being pretty genuine. (You can call me if you need to talk...about anything) I had a nice, new crisp dollar bill and I wanted to see if someone wanted to come pick it up. I received two texts, one goes as follows:

Dollar Enthusiast: Can you send a pic of new dollar?
Me: crisp and new. (actual picture I sent him)
Dollar Enthusiast: An wut maked it new...u can iron it an look just alike

At this point I have no idea what this dude is talking about...ironing money...?

Me: Nah man...no iron...just new. No tricks.
Dollar Enthusiast: Where u get it
Me: It came out of the machine
Dollar Enthusiast: Lol...no thanks...thought it was a new print
Me: Where do you get a new print from. And who doesn't want a dollar even if its not new?
Dollar Enthusiast: Loose 5x that drivin to get it

Having felt bad about not being clear who would be losing here he sent another text clarifying.

Dollar Enthusiast: Ill loose 5x that jus drivin to get it.

He does have a good point here but I go on to explain why'd it be worth it for him

Me: Do you collect coins and money? you aren't thinking what you would gain by coming...think of the big picture.
Dollar Enthusiast: An wuts da big pik
Me: You'll have a contact in Austin with endless possibilities
Me: Who can teach you how to spell
Me: Among a whole host of other things.
Me: No?

And although I never heard from him again, during my conversation with said dollar enthusiast, I received an email from Craigslist saying my post was flagged and removed. I was annoyed by this because there wasn't anything illegal or wrong with my post, that I could tell. So I saw there was a way I could ask a community of Craigslist users why my post could have possibly been removed. Within seconds I received back a host of very keen observers all with unbelievable insight into the world of Craigslist.

For people that don't have craigslist to go in and read the posts I've copied and pasted the threads so you can at least get a picture of what's going on here. If you do have an account it's worth logging in.

I am Yonks7...hear my roar.

https://forums.craigslist.org/?ID=205395505

post 205395505 is located in thread 279434 of cl - flag help

aus I tried to give away a dollar for free < yonks7 > 01/20 10:47
      : . . Huh? < MizBozMaam > 01/20 10:48
      : . . Scams as well as lame attempts as "best of" < TheWorldOver > 01/20 10:48
      : . . Humm? Any reason you ignored this? < LDMF > 01/20 10:48
      : . . Just for giggles, please post your ad < EyesOfBluestSkies > 01/20 10:48
      : . . let's see < buzz_word > 01/20 10:49
      : . . : . . not at my house < yonks7 > 01/20 10:50
      : . . : . . : . . You want to lure strangers to a coffee shop? < MizBozMaam > 01/20 10:51
      : . . : . . : . . : . . it's packed < yonks7 > 01/20 10:52
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . ^ Obvious troll - I'm out. § < MizBozMaam > 01/20 10:53  +3
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . What's a troll < yonks7 > 01/20 11:11
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . The opinions of other users on why < TheWorldOver > 01/20 10:54
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . that makes sense < yonks7 > 01/20 10:56  -5
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . re-read all the rest of the replies, < TheWorldOver > 01/20 10:58
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . Says the loser who can't find a friend when < EyesOfBluestSkies > 01/20 10:55  +1
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . I have plenty of friends < yonks7 > 01/20 10:57  -5
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . give someone a dollar at the coffe shop § < jdreaper > 01/20 11:20
      : . . : . . : . . your house/coffee shop same thing < buzz_word > 01/20 10:52
      : . . Ya'lls responses haven't helped me understand < yonks7 > 01/20 10:51
      : . . : . . Okay, I'll play. < MizBozMaam > 01/20 10:53
      : . . : . . Because you still haven't followed directions < EyesOfBluestSkies > 01/20 10:53
      : . . : . . readers may flag ads for any reason they want < TheWorldOver > 01/20 10:53
      : . . : . . Your post is illegal because it < LDMF > 01/20 10:53
      : . . Free $1 (Epoch Coffee) ...this was the post < yonks7 > 01/20 10:54
      : . . : . . You sound desperate and pathetic. < EyesOfBluestSkies > 01/20 10:56
      : . . : . . : . . I'm not but that doesn't matter < yonks7 > 01/20 10:58
      : . . : . . : . . : . . You are too stupid for CL. Please log off now. § < EyesOfBluestSkies > 01/20 10:58
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . it's a simple question < yonks7 > 01/20 11:02
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . The stupid one is the one that doesn't grasp < EyesOfBluestSkies > 01/20 11:04
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . People < yonks7 > 01/20 11:10
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . Whatever helps you sleep at night § < EyesOfBluestSkies > 01/20 11:12
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . Yes, they do < TheWorldOver > 01/20 11:05
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . I understand < yonks7 > 01/20 11:07
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . And most people we see coming in here < MizBozMaam > 01/20 11:10
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . What were the instructions < yonks7 > 01/20 11:12
      : . . : . . : . . : . . People flagged your ad, < TheWorldOver > 01/20 10:59
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . lots of people do it < yonks7 > 01/20 11:01
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . If it offends your sensibilities- flag it! § < dirtbag > 01/20 11:03
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . That's for most things. < yonks7 > 01/20 11:05
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . You may flag any ad you feel should be removed < TheWorldOver > 01/20 11:06    link
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . that's pretty awesome < yonks7 > 01/20 11:09
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . coupons/promotional items are prohibited < TheWorldOver > 01/20 11:04    link
      : . . : . . Even if people didnt think your ad was a complet < TheWorldOver > 01/20 10:57
      : . . : . . : . . I didn't know that < yonks7 > 01/20 10:59
      : . . : . . : . . : . . Far more people likely thought < TheWorldOver > 01/20 11:02
      : . . : . . : . . : . . : . . I guess that makes sense < yonks7 > 01/20 11:03
      : . . So anyone in Austin want a dollar? § < yonks7 > 01/20 11:14

That was all for me. :)} No one on Craigslist understood. So what I've concluded is that I'm a freak and have no friends. Will you be my friend? love. war.

"Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher. “Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.”

Things to think about:
-How long can you do nothing in politics.
-Is milk really bad for our bodies.
-Are you getting wisdom from people that are wiser than you.
-Are dishwashers really easier.
-leaving a comment

Things to watch.
Gotye
Kramer

Things to give your money to:
Shaping Destiny

Single, Engaged, Divorced, Single, #selfish

2012-01-18T08:00:00.000-05:00

Engaged life seems unreal. You've asked someone that you love to spend the rest of their life with you...and you have no idea how that life is going to turn out. You say yes to a question asked. It's a simple answer to a huge question and now you're going to be married. #bummer. I have many friends who are married, and none that I know against their will. One of my good friends just got engaged. I know people who are divorced. I met a lot of them and they all seem so all right. Most people seem all right. I mean how many people do you see walking around that just start crying for no reason?

So as I sit here drinking coffee and crying for no apparent reason I have some real hang ups with the thought of marriage that I'd like to talk about. Why are so many people committed to each other by living together but not committed to each other through a public statement of their commitment. How can you justify getting a divorce? #tilldeathdouspart Why is Coldplay such a good band?

I guess for all intensive purposes it seems quite natural: my parents relationship wasn't that great so why go through the same thing they went through? We'll just live with each other and if it doesn't work out go our separate ways...I mean we're not married. And who wants to deal with that messiness of getting a divorce? My parents got a divorce why would I want to do the same thing? You have to live with someone before you know you can be married to them. blah blah blah.

I'll attempt to answer one of them but am well aware that in all my wisdom there is ignorance right around the corner. So I welcome criticism but keep in mind my thoughts are from an open, welcoming stance. #nahmean. Most things I don't have answers for but I believe I do for divorce.

First I want to say that marriage is messy. The reason people get divorced mainly is their affinity for themselves. "I'm not happy," "He doesn't love me," "Things didn't turn out like I wanted," "I have things I want to do in life" #eatpraylove #selfish When really we should be asking ourselves questions that point to sacrifice. I mean isn't this life? Isn't this what true life is about? Sacrifice. Not selfishness. Don't people know going into a marriage that it takes sacrifice...and for many years you might be poor and begging for money. That's what it's talking about when you say for better or for worse.

You might say "Page, you don't know until you've been there." I'll agree with you on one point: I haven't been married...but I've been in other relationships that take sacrifice and resemble marriages. Like all my friendships. And while I'm not married I do have brothers and sisters who I'm in a lifelong relationship with. Even the relationship with my girlfriend takes sacrifice.

So in the end my answer to divorce and most other things in life is this:

Stop thinking about yourself and start walking humbly in fear before the maker of the universe. If your spouse left you I'm sorry. #dontgiveup If you're too selfish to get married than don't. It's possible you could learn to be selfless and sacrifice but that takes a true love ready for real marriage. #KimKardashian

He knows what you're going through. Give it up to him. The answer is sacrifice. Do you think Jesus wanted to die for your sins? love. war.

"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done."

Things to think about:

-being bolder than you are now

-taking up an issue and fighting for it

-talking to a homeless person

-going out of your way to help someone

Things to watch:

-Hell
-America

If it Weren't for Stereotypes I Wouldn't be in Texas

2012-01-16T19:42:00.000-05:00

As I boil my soup on my rather old none brand name stove, I start getting a little hot. I proceed to finish cooking the soup and then open the kitchen window. I add milk and cheese to my Wolfgang Puck Signature Tortilla Organic Soup given to me by my very thoughtful girlfriend and open the window to the kitchen. As I proceed to eat my soup standing up, because I yet have no furniture, I hear a rather annoying noise coming from outside my window. It was the chirping of hundreds of birds resting in the trees sitting above my apartment complex 50 yards away.

I've been in Texas over a week and I was baffled to be honest. Hundreds of birds and not one person shot one of them down out of the trees. Now if you're like me you tend to believe things that trusted people say regarding things you don't know and one of those things is that in Texas everyone's a bad-ass and carries a gun. (I mean you don't even have to register your gun here) So I asked myself, "How could this be that these birds just sit atop these trees unafraid and songs unhindered?" Not that I don't love to hear birds singing in the afternoon to the sunset, perhaps praising God for the life that he gives them, but since I've been here I haven't seen one gun fired at anything. I also haven't seen one cowboy hat or anyone wearing stirs on their boots.

In the short amount of time between my dinner and my blog writings I've come to the conclusion that Texans aren't any less awesome that I thought but rather they've learned to not trouble themselves with trivial matters such as shooting birds out of trees when they're interrupting your supper eating. I imagine that they save their guns for more pertinent matters. Which is food for my soul because the last thing I want to be is living in a state that claims to be awesome but really is full with a bunch of wimpy cowards. I'm asking for Texas cowboys and I'm going to get Texas cowboys. Until then, Rick Perry told me that there's jobs here in Texas so until I get one I'll continue pounding the pavement. Maybe I'll nab myself a steer while I'm at it. love. war.

Things to think about:
-Saying what you think
-Not lying, seriously
-Jews vs Christians
-Catholics vs Protestants
-People don't comment on the actual blogs website but rather facebook where the same blog is posted.
-Paying to dry your clothes
-Your state compared to Texas

Things to watch
Sh*t girls say
Sh*t people don't say

Things I'm reading
-A bend in the river

My Friend Patrick Williams is a Scientist

2011-11-30T18:37:00.001-05:00

While most of the world is trying to figure out which brand of teletubbies they love the most my friend was hard at work completing his degree in Chemistry to fulfill his lifelong dream of dissecting plants to see if we could find any real sources of fuel in them. Even though he is failing miserably and nuclear is still by far the best; he persists at his work and I've decided to take some time and tell you how awesome he is because every once and a while humility is a good thing to experience.

Have you ever tried to write down why you think someone is amazing. It usually goes something like...they are smart and funny and have patience with me and are so good looking. They always know what to say yada yada yada. I'd like to focus my energy instead today describing one simple aspect of my friend Patrick that makes him more amazing and that one simple thing is responsibility. Now whether you're wearing depends on not, we can all appreciate people who are responsible. Patrick graduate with honors in a difficult major, married the girl he loved for a long time, has a steady job, and goes to it everyday without fail.

There's a lot about Patrick that I love. He's a fanatic for sports and his team, the St. Louis Cardinals, the best baseball team to ever play baseball, just won the World Series of Poker last month. (Not the world series of Poker sorry...but the one that came after the World Series of Poker) He also enjoys discussing politics, which is important if you're going to tolerate me for any of five minutes. Patrick also is on time when he goes places and is a man of his word.

This blog isn't to tell you something that you didn't already know because you probably don't know or care about Patrick. This blog is to tell you that being extraordinary sometimes is really just about being responsible. Because these days being responsible is very extra ordinary. love. war.

Things to think about:
-Is it greedy to want more money.
-Is there any unbiased information.
-Can you talk about issues without having a doctorate.
-Do people silence you because they don't like your opinions.
-Tim Tebow/John Jones
-You could be amazing too

Things to watch:
Take a ride x-country
Idiots exist

Thinks to look at:
Your team sucks
Free to die

Gluten Gluttons Parish in Time for Challenge

2011-11-03T11:15:00.001-04:00

The gluten challenge is over and as you expected I lost nine pounds four ounces. This comes to no surprise to most people who know that Jesus is the bread of life and since Jesus compared himself to bread it must be a pretty important part of our digestive system; as shown by my one month nine pound four ounce weight loss. (not to be confused with Will Smith's Seven Pounds, a documentary where Smith loses seven pounds by not eating anything supersized at McDonalds)

There was a minor slip up with some gluten-full soy sauce and while I am to blame I'd like to put the real blame, as all good friends like to do, on my best friend Ryan, whom at no fault of his own, suggested we partake in eating at this sushi place close to where he goes to school. I indulged my appetite and stabbed my wallet for a split-second and find myself in Amber's apartment cleaning everything from shoe board to popcorn ceiling. This was because I lost a bet with her on who would eat gluten first. I did, accidentally, but I fessed up and got to cleaning. And because I wish not to make this blog not apply to just the handful of important people that I call my friends I'll highlight the pros and cons of this thing Celiacs have learned to call home....

THE GLUTEN FREE DIET.

Yes yes it was rather difficult deciding what I could eat and what I couldn't. I spent the first 6 or 7 days learning what contained gluten and what didn't. I was very hungry these first 6 or 7 days. But I didn't let hunger get the best of me. The hardest part about not eating gluten is that things have gluten in them that you wouldn't expect...like french fries...hello potato...welcome to the Celiac diarrhea list. Other things on the celiac hit list are lots of chips, tortillas (said in spanish accent), and almost everything...save meat and fruits and vegetables...but who eats those. GIVE ME WHOLE WHEAT BABY.

So here are the pros and cons.

Pros:
-lose weight
-can justify eating a bad of Doritos in one sitting

Cons:
-can't eat wheat
-can't eat anything good

While there are lots of more serious pros and cons I can add to this list I'd like to simply say that if you don't have Celiacs disease there is absolutely no reason why you shouldn't eat wheat products. All month I wanted a sandwhich. All that being said the gluten free diet isn't that hard. There's imitations of almost everything out there now. There was gluten free pancakes, chips, and really nasty macaroni and cheese brought to you by

"Annie's Homegrown Totally Natural Nasty Crap." Despite the name I gave it a try and to my delight they weren't wrong.

The point of the challenge was to see if I could do it. I did it...piece of cake (no you can't eat cake)...now on to the next challenge: get your heart rate up for at least 30 minutes a day. Goodbye fried rice, hello weight gain. Love. War.

Things to think about:
-being a part of the challenge
-heaven and hell
-Herman Cain being at the top
-Being truly honest with people
-Thinking "and I'm a Mormon is very stupid."

Things to watch:
-Crazy crap about hell

You said BFF...WTF

2011-09-28T21:58:00.000-04:00

You've had a friend in the past. They were a pretty good friend. They liked you and you liked them. You felt that you could tell them important personal information about you and the feeling was mutual. Over time you started to grow apart and started to not talk to each other as much. You're not sure if it's your fault or theirs but you just know it happened.

There are a couple things I'd like to talk about for just long enough for you to read them all. The first one is friendship; what it means to me, what it should mean, and why most people suck at it. The second is loyalty; to your friends, and their loyalty to you.

The friends I've made in the past I care about...a lot. Like a song I loved in middle school. I still love the song but it's in a different way. I don't listen to Five Hundred Miles on repeat anymore but I still love the song. Without my friends I'd be miserable and probably dead.

I have lots of friends. I have older friends, younger friends, liberal friends, Christian friends. Friends that act like retards and ones that act smart. One great thing about friendship is that you're not married to the person...you can quit the friendship at any time. Sometimes it's necessary but rarely do I feel this.

The main reason I believe that most people suck at friendship is because first...they are selfish. You want a friend if it is good and convenient for you. As soon as it's not good for you you don't care about the person anymore. The second is that they feel that the other person doesn't want to be friends with them...doesn't care...and has moved on. If you're the friend that has moved on, shame on you. If you're the other friend I'm sorry that people suck.

My father tells me that no matter how close you are with your friends, how many blood brothers you've initiated, and how many times you've cried in front of each other, that you'll grow apart. I can see this in many an adults life. How many older people do you know don't have any friends? Is that a joke...

Chances are that you've had friends in the past that you really care about and now you don't talk to them anymore. This is LAME. What every happened to loyalty. People grow apart it's true...and it's okay...what's not okay is leaving someone in the dust. You know if you've done it. It's time to correct it. Having loyalty is doing what it takes to ensure the person your friends with knows you've got their back. Ride or Die. Pick a side and be committed.

Take some time and catch up with an old friend. Not having enough time is not an excuse. Do some soul searching and get deep with them.

Spending time with your significant other is important but second to spending time with God.

The third relationship, in ranking order, is a close race between your enemies and your friends. Love is the key. Stop being selfish and reach out to someone you used to love. Chances are they'll reach back...if they don't direct them to this blog...or you can give me a call...I'll do my best to give you some advice.

Lastly, stop being afraid of being hurt. Take some chances and get your heart broke. At least you were being a good friend. Isn't being a good friend more important than self preservation?

Clark: Yeah, but I will have a degree, and you'll be serving my kids fries at a drive-thru on our way to a skiing trip.

Will: [smiles] Yeah, maybe. But at least I won't be unoriginal.

love. war.

Things to think about:
-We spend too much time debating. Howard Roark for president
-People say there's no reason to ever hit a woman. Is that true?
-Checking your credit.
-Getting out of debt sucks.
-Crossing the line

Things to watch:
Grinding the Crack
The music video
Wilfred

The Best Clothing Company in the World...and Not a Slight Bit Slutty

2011-09-07T19:03:00.000-04:00

When I was thirteen years old I started a clothing company. It was your average clothing company started by a thirteen year old. But the company really started when I was nine and in the 4th grade. I started to doodle the name of my future company on my binders and notebooks. My friend Kyle was big into drawing so I had him design me a pair of Yonks shoes that I was going to make someday. The extent of my clothing company knowledge was a little less than what the average person knows about supply-side economics.

My dad knew a guy who printed on some tees so I made a design, took it to him, pulled together $200 from my KFC work money, and launched the greatest clothing company in the world. My goal...to be on the backs of 1 in every three people...in the world. I know I know I should of set my goals higher. The first design was nothing amazing but yet people started to buy the stupid white shirts with red letters. The front said Yonks clothing co with my logo and the back had my logo even bigger and underneath said Sknoy...which if you haven't figured it out by now is Yonks backwards. I was pretty creative when I was thirteen. I instantly became, "that tee-shirt guy."

After I sold all those I came out with another shirt. This time geared more towards ladies, the real clothing shoppers, and then another and another and another. By the time I was a senior in high school I had two investors, one salesman, a handful of articles in the school newspaper written about me, a legit website, and girls from every grade rocking my tees...and, of course, a crap load of people who knew me as "that tee-shirt guy."

Into college I continued running my company taking off a semester of college every year to run Yonks full-time. My friend Bryan started helping me design the clothes and by this time I was only making woman's clothing and I had some real awesome crap. As you can see from the intro pic. Black sleeveless hoody with two-tone lime green lines. I lived, breathed, and ate Yonks Clothing. I had a photographer, a model, a web designer, a graphic designer, a salesman, and brought my brother on to handle the money side of the business...all working for me for free. (all of whom I owe a great debt of gratitude) I eventually was in five stores in three different states, girls everywhere rocking my gear. "This is my friend Page, he owns Yonks clothing." "Oh you're that tee-shirt guy. I've heard of you." I'd look at them and say...I do make tee-shirts.

Nine years had passed...and I gave it all up...never to be "that tee-shirt guy again."

For nine years of my life people knew me as a tee-shirt guy. I never saw myself as that. I saw myself as Page: the fun loving, spontaneous, good friend, let's find ways to break the rules, kid. I always wondered if a tee-shirt guy really encapsulated me. As if to say oh John you're that retard. I'm not a retard, I'm just a person who happens to be retarded. But that doesn't define me. "Oh you're that orphan Sam." "Oh you're that crazy girl Sarah" "Oh you're that slut Jenny." I know all about you.

As if the one thing we've done defines everything that we are.

Having been out of the tee-shirt game for three years now I look back at Yonks as a very interesting time in my life. It was with me the majority of my adulthood. Even though that's true Yonks isn't who I am. This is who I am...

A man looking to spread the love of Jesus to the four corners of the Earth.

and if you don't understand that maybe you have some soul searching to do. love. war.

Things to think about:

-Who is a wedding reception for: the guests, or the married?

-Should a woman break up with a man over video game playage?

-What can't you live without?

-Bryan Costello is an awesome graphic designer.

-Contra dancing.

Things to watch:

Missin' you like Crazy

From 3:40 - 4:12

You Said, "I Do" Forever...Now How Do You Get Out of It?

2011-07-15T01:20:00.001-04:00

Recently I've been making these faces to my friends. You know the squinty-eyed eyebrows come down and your mouth curls are you serious face. And this face is followed by the begging question: Are these people serious?

I've recently connected with a couple of friends that I was friends with a long time ago and I wanted to share something blazingly obvious and peculiarly annoying. The brilliantly obvious is that people don't change. I've heard it before from thousands of boring, thoughtless people and I agree with the premise but disagree with the conclusion. People don't change...but people can change. The parculiarly annoying thing is that people do change but sometimes it's not for the better. It's peculiar because I just assumed everyone's changing for the better. And it's annoying because they think they are.

This road of life we're ask to find ourselves. Someone somewhere along the line has asked us to ask ourselves who we really are; what our likes and dislikes are, how we think, why we think the way we do, and a whole lot of other useless garbage in the middle. My uncle told me once you shouldn't get married till 30 because you don't know yourself till then. I love my uncle but I disagree with him. (Though I speak from ignorance I feel it's reasoned and semi-educated ignorance (the best kind)) Getting married isn't about knowing who you are but rather knowing who you'd die for. Once you know that you'd give up every thing to be with someone it doesn't matter that you like vanilla ice cream and despise watermelon chocolate ice cream. You just eat the watermelon chocolate because you love. And loving is the most important.

I'm reminded of the When Harry Met Sally quote: "I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

And while I wasn't intending this blog to be a marriage blog I guess it's just turned into one. Marriage is hard as hell and as rewarding as the spoils of war. Raising children is equal to it. But how we should act in our marriage, men, is how Christ acted in life. He died for the thing he loved. us. If you're thinking about divorce, there was a time in your marriage you were willing to for them.

I'd like to be the someone along your road of life that doesn't ask you to find yourself because once you find yourself you'll realize you were looking for the wrong thing. What it is about is finding other people. Other people are there, I swear they are and they need you.

So we come back to my friends and the change thing. My friends are great. They love but there's this sense of "who I am" that is frustrating them. Finding your identity does matter, don't get me wrong, but finding your identity isn't done by looking for it. Because when you look for your identity in the world you end up divorcing your spouse. Can you make the connection on your own or do I have to draw it for you?

I'll leave you with this simple conversation I had with a very simple girl today. She's 5.

Page: Mackenzie, it's not good to be selfish.
Mackenzie: I want to watch yo gabba.
Page: Do you know what being selfish is?
Mackenzie: No.
Page: It's when we only think about ourselves.
Mackenzie: (laughing) That's a good thing.

When we try to find who we are we're being selfish like 5-year-old Mackenzie. It took me years of looking for myself to realize this. Love God and Love your neighbor as yourself. All that matters fall on these two commandments. All the rest is your insecurities that should just go away. love. war.

Things to think about:
-google+
-You can always find a better wife
-Being broke. literally without money. what do you do?
-Ron Paul
-What finger you should wear a ring on? (The pointer finger is the worst)
-natural blondes vs red heads

Things to watch/listen to:
-Listened to non-stop for 3 days
-It's Dancy Dance time

The Smell of Past Lovers Tortures the Heart

2011-06-09T00:04:00.001-04:00

The problem with love is giving yourself over to it and in return being burned by the butt you were smoking yourself. A pathetic excuse for not partaking in drunken indulgence of love to come. One might say they're looking for love in all the wrong places but one's love looks in any place it knows best and sometimes it's best happens to be wrong. But more frequently I've found that one's best is usually a great place to start when the quest isn't quenched from what has been found in the past. I've loved a lot and the unspeakable words to past lovers never do justice the feelings in ones heart...because the lovers have found other goblets to drink; goblets much larger and golden than mine.

Come back to me intoxicating aroma of the past. The perfume teases with vanity. If but one more kiss could remind you of the laughter we once showed to crippled vagabonds in the streets. Homeless drifters in search of the story they once heard. As if their next fix could come through a simple pacifist memory. Love they shout from their juxtapose angle with the sidewalk. War I yell back begging them not to remind me of their gay memories. It isn't hate but a desire for the warm touch that swells through and through. And then I breath. You can't drown your sorrows in anything if there's nothing in the cabinet. And so this melon collie drifts on and on into eternal sorrow, begging to be picked up by the boots and forced back to labor. I'll pick myself up when I'm good and ready. But for now self-loathing is doing the trick that liquor could never. Never does the Bible talk about forgiving yourself but sometimes we have to do things that the Bible doesn't talk about in order to move on. love. war.

Things to think about:
If this isn't real than death shouldn't hurt

Things to watch:
Californication

Pursuing Jesus and Other Important Shit

2011-05-25T03:18:00.001-04:00

I have a bike. It's a sweet little number; a Trek 500 worth about five hundred smackers. I've been commuting to work, back and forth like a metronome. The ride to work is fast and strenuous with my back soaked with loads of my Godly, smelly sweat. The ride home is a glorious, post midnight, trek with myself and the drunks. It's a calm, slow and steady peddled four mile journey to Weather Ridge road; clear light blinking in the front warning others of the immediate danger, red lights blinking in the back giving the drunks a one in three shot of taking out their target.

It's these twenty minute rides that help bring some perspective to my feeble, vaporesque life. I find myself asking questions like: what's the point? What's the point of reading countless articles about the Obama administration's lack of understanding international politics? What's the point of love?

Tomorrow is my last day at Hams and everyone is asking me what I'm going to do now. What's my future look like? Why am I balding? Why's there a hole in your shirt?

When you're riding a bike you can put your head down between your arms and hear the sweet sound of the chain connecting with 20 mile per hour efficiency; a slow hum that reminds you why you're doing what you're doing. It's a sound that you could only understand the emotions behind if heard. It brings my head back to Earth. Simplicity.

I don't bike to work to save the Earth; the Earth doesn't need saving and I'm incapable of doing any saving of something so big, something that God controls. I bike to work to hear that sound; a sound that is only beaten by the whisper of a loved one in the ear.

I haven't read the Bible in a couple months...but I did quote it in an interview I had yesterday. I quote the Bible in every interview I have with every important hiring manager thinking about hiring me. Yesterday I quoted my favorite scripture from Proverbs. It's mad legit and never ceases to amaze me. He asked me what my favorite animal is and I said the Lion...because...

"There are three things that are stately in their stride, four that move with stately bearing: a lion, mighty among beasts, who retreats before nothing; a strutting rooster, a he-goat, and a king with his army around him."

Who retreats before nothing. What are you retreating from right now? What is it that you're afraid of? Goodness. To be in such a place emotionally where you retreat from nothing. Not out of pride per say but rather out of a conviction that what you're pursuing is right...and just.

So...what is right and just? Get on my bike for a minute and I'll show you. love. war.

Things to think about:
-A six pack of Yuengling and a pack of camel 99's.
-Your best friend and the reasons you love them.
-The 2012 presidential race.
-"God damn" isn't as bad as people think it is.
-I didn't brush me teeth at all today.

Things to watch:
I pray my daughter is this awesome
They should still be able to advertise
Wish he was still alive

Brilliance Wreaked Havoc on the Few; Ignornace on the Masses

2011-04-04T02:41:00.000-04:00

I'm not brilliant.

I've been wanting to be the type of person that can make a list. Best this or most that. A list like this. You'll never make the list. This should disappoint you considerably as it does me. I've taken some time of considerable thought to figure out why it is that I desire to make such a list.

When I see men, influential men, who people look up to, who people respect, I have this feeling that I want to be those men. They drive cars that have heat and good sound systems, wear suits that cost more than $15, and know what they're doing in life. Men who have good wives and whose kids play soccer. Who laugh.

I have this thought that if I make such a list God will look at me differently; as a important person.

Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a fraction of a penny. Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”

She put in everything she had. All she had to live on. Does this bother you?

Most of the men that are on the above linked list are brilliant men. I'm not brilliant. But in the place of brilliance I substitute curiosity and discontentment which has brought me to where I am now; curious and discontent.

I've come to realize that the men that I look up to aren't necessarily the people that God looks up to. And I look up to a lot of really great men. I've come to realize that the meek will inherit the earth. That blessed are the poor in spirit. A good deal of the way I look at people comes from this worldly belief that God cares about power and success. How are you looking at people? I'll lite up a cigarette while you think. love. war.

Things to think about:
-Menthol vs non
-Ben and Jerry's $1 singles in the grocery.
-Wanting more out of life than you ever thought.
-Rules. Which ones you can break without guilt.
-Picking up people that need rides.
-Being up front with the lover that you love.
-What you are giving the people around you.

Things to read:
The sermon on the mount

Things to listen to:
The still quiet voice.

I Kissed a Girl...Well Actually She Kissed Me

2011-03-25T01:47:00.001-04:00

Sixty kids all running around. "Spin me Page, spin me." I pick them up by the hands and twirl them around till I can't walk straight, regaining my composer and doing it again. I go as fast as I can and them laughing the whole time. My friend Haley once said, "I just want to love them and so I hold them for hours at a time because maybe they haven't ever had anyone hold them." Haley's better at loving kids than I am but I've applied her attitude to spinning kids.

I walk in the gym and she runs up to me, "Page, Page, I missed you." Her long, wild black hair unbrushed for days. I pick her up, "Hey Marissa. I missed you too." Her little body fitting perfectly in my arms, never wanted to let her down. "Now go back and sit with all the other kids like you're suppose to." During direction time I scout the kids looking for a couple that I love more than the rest, making sure they're there.

David, who's dad is an alcoholic, shooting a basketball with one hand because he's too short and too weak to do it with one. Quiet and unassuming but gets that little smile in the corner of his mouth when you tell him the hearts that he's drawing are awesome. Leslie, the self assured 10 year old who tells it like it is; attitude and all. Josh, my main man, rambunctious with the Mohawk, who just likes to kick balls with his friends as long as he can. His little legs carrying him slower than I was at his age, with the biggest grin on his face. I look at Marissa, my favorite, and ask God to bless her life.

Lord protect this child from men wanting to abuse her body.
Lord watch over this child like you watch over the ones you love and lead her to understand your ways.
Lord help her not to give herself over to the first man that wants a piece of her.
Lord help her parents love her at home and not abuse her.
Show me how to communicate my love towards her.

"Page can we play sharks and minnows today?" She looks up at me with her brown eyes holding on to my legs. I rub her head and tell her I'd love to. I dominate in sharks and minnows, the reason I want to play. I'm faster than all the kids.

She doesn't follow the rules; when being tagged by a shark, she continues to be a minnow. I tell her to follow the rules but she says...I want to be a minnow. She's wild. She does what she wants and I'm protective as hell towards her. It's a hard thing to do to be impartial but I look at Marissa like my own daughter and I'll spin her till I vomit if she feels the love I have towards her.

People spend time doing things that I think are a waste of time: video games by yourself, reality TV till your eyes bleed, endless facebooking, sleeping. In a effort to make my time valuable I go to hang out with these kids from 3-6 on my days off. An after-school program unlike any other...allowing children to be children and not drug addicts.

I bent down and looked Marissa in the eyes and told her to listen to the people that tell her what to do. She looks at me and smiles and kisses me. I feel warmth and love and fear. "Marissa, don't kiss me anymore okay." The affection of a child is the purest most amazing thing. Safe. I just desire for her and all the other kids to be safe. I volunteer because they are safe at this program. Safe to laugh, get spun, and kiss a leader now and again to show their appreciation.

The days that I go to the after-school program are long. Three hours can wear any energetic 25 year old out but I look forward to them every time I leave. But I praise God for the opportunity to serve him and these children in this way. It's one thing to waste your time but it's another to waste your time when there's kids out there to love...right here in our backyard. love. war.

Whoever causes one of these little ones who believe to stumble, it would be better for him if, with a heavy millstone hung around his neck, he had been cast into the sea. - Jesus

Things to think about:
-taste, touch, sight, smell, hear...which is the best?
-Going camping with me for my birthday.
-2012 Presidential election
-Duke and the ACC vs UConn and the Big East.
-Wisconsin's public workers debate.

Things to read
A piece of land to give up Social Security
Nation of Dropouts

Before he was Chuck Norris...he was WALKER, Texas Ranger!

2011-03-06T16:39:00.002-05:00

I'm contemplating settling the Lone Star state. And, while I know that the great state of Texas has already been settled, it still lacks a certain man that goes by my name. This wouldn't be that big of a move for me being that I just got back from Seoul and before that Prague...but that's not the point. My happenings around the world don't interest me much and should, therefore, equally not interest you. Been there, blogged that. The point isn't whether this is a big move or not but is this a move that should be made?

I've been to Texas once before. It was on a road trip that I took with Luke Logan. The one man that is the craziest man I know. At the time we were not adolescences but not men either. It was the summer of my sophomore year at App State and Luke had family in Petaluma that he wanted to spend time with during the summer. I, a worthy road mate, decided that taking a cross country road trip was something long past due in my tenure as a human and so we set out. Eating one Oreo a piece for every state we crossed, we finally arrived in Texas. Skipping loads of amazing, blog worthy stories, I take you to Marshall. Now Marshall wasn't your average hitch hiker and it's safe to say that he wasn't safe. But not picking him up wasn't an option.

Luke: Okay I don't have many goals for this road trip other than three things.
Page: All right let's hear them.
Luke: I want to get to Petaluma.
Page: All right.
Luke: I want to do lots of things we've never done before.
Page: Good.
Luke: And I want to pick up a hitch hiker.
Page: Awesome.

Hours outside of Fort Worth, after spending a couple days with my lover’s wife and family, we see the thumb, the clothes, and the face of Marshall Hitch Hiker, not to be confused with Herschel Walker,

Or Walker Texas Ranger,

or Stranger Danger. Which I wasn't aware of.

Marshall didn't speak much. And when I say he didn't speak much I mean he spoke maybe 5 words the entire ride to El Paso. From the backseat of the car I could see Marshall in the side view mirror and his face went from steady to smiling to almost a laugh and back again to straight every minute for the next 2 hours we drove. By the time we got to El Paso it was dark and we decided to look around the town. I explained to Marshall what we were doing and he seemed to understand. He followed us 50 ft behind everywhere we explored. I was assuming Marshall would sleep with us now that we were like the Three Amigos, traveling the open frontier. Luke told me, as Marshall trailed, he didn't think it would be smart for Marshall to spend the night with us...in our tents...in the middle of nowhere. I told Luke that God would protect us and giving this guy some hospitality might be what he needed...Luke disagreed. Not wanting to get in an argument with my dear friend, I politely explained to our tear-drop-tattoo-faced friend that we weren't going any further and he couldn't sleep with us. He got his bag and walked away without a word. I'll always love that crazy man. And while it's obvious that Luke read the book Stranger Danger and I hadn't at that point I always wonder what would have happened had Marshall shared the tent with us that night. I'd probably not be writing you now. But...

This story doesn't help me try to decide whether or not I should move to Austin but it seemed unbelievably relevant to explain to you the type of people that I've met in Texas before you're able to make an accurate decision and give me sound wisdom with irreproachable objectivism. Of course much of my decision is based on whether I can convince someone to employ me with this $50,000 degree that everyone told me I should get. If I'm able to do that it's safe to say I'll be in the Texas militia in no time. Love. War.

Things to think about:

-Chuck Norris can sit while standing

-If Chuck Norris ever roundhouse kicked you in the face, you could never turn the other cheek because you'd be dead.

-When Chuck Norris is thirsty he drinks a pint of peanut butter.

Things to watch:

Bill interviews Barry

Things to read:

Public Employee Unions

Things I'm reading:

The Fountainhead

City of Thieves

You Call it Being a Waiter...I Call it Loving People Who Love Food

2011-02-16T00:25:00.001-05:00

I'm back...Steven Tyler screams out of the 30 some odd melodious sound wave pushers screwed into the ceiling. I sweep the carpet at the end of the night with aching in my feet, 65 bucks in my smelly, light blue jeans, and a song thumping it's way into annoying repetitive overdrive. I'm back...My head contemplates a few things: why we use a broom to sweep carpet, how I got to be where I am today, and why didn't I make more money tonight.

I was in Korea one month ago; teaching little Korean kids the reason why Addie had a bad day. One third of them understanding something was wrong, half of them realizing it was because she got her hair cut and maybe one of them being able to explain it in complete sentences. Now I'm explaining to people why we're out of crayons for the kids menus, and why we no longer serve mashed potatoes (in perfectly English of course. I not stupid. But I very disappoint)

I bum a cig, hop in my non-heated olds, put on my down, and traverse the 5 miles at 45 mph putting me home in roughly 7 minutes, give or take a couple minutes. I walk up to the house, lights off and the doors locked, my father ready for an ambush. I still haven't gotten a spare key because the thought of actually getting a key means I'm going to be here for awhile and well...that's just not acceptable yet. I check my email, my facebook, drudgereport, tell my cousin how much I made tonight as he plays black opps , try not to wake my step mom, and hop in the shower to wash off this stench that I can only attribute to good old fashion restaurant. I put on some fresh undies and pray to my God to help me to understand life.

I lie in bed thinking this is my life. God knows and so do I. Some of my friends are single parents, some are married. Some live in big houses and some don't live in houses at all. A lot of people I've seen don't have a job and don't have food. I've played with orphans and seen a woman cry in pain from malaria. I've seen human beings root through my garbage looking for food right after I've had a full filling meal. I've seen a woman 50 lbs dying of AIDS. I know I'm not 100% satisfied where I am right now but I know that I'm blessed beyond reason and God's too good to not give him all the glory. Praise you Yahweh. I'm back...in America. love. war.

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." -Paul

Things to think about:
-Men are funnier than women
-Love and thinking about love
-Indie films
-Fireplaces verse wood burning stoves
-your past verse your future

Things to watch:
S-bomb

Things to read:
Can our nation be saved?

Imagine the Things We Could Get Done If You Weren't so Lazy

2011-01-18T09:23:00.001-05:00

I'm back in America. And while it snows in Seoul it also snowed last night. It actually iced last night. The wind blew and the dogs barked but I didn't stir from my 3 x 6 foot pull out. I woke up this morning exactly the way that I've woken up the past 10 nights; at 0645. This drastic change in my daily routine of sleeping in till 10, 11, or even 12 was due to a simple prayer that I said exactly 5 nights ago. The prayer was this. "Lord I want to wake up early. Can you wake me up when you want me to wake up?" I set the alarm clock for 0700 in case the Lord wasn't listening or didn't care about this particular prayer and went to sleep around 2400.

Waking up early, I'm convinced, is the key to being more productive.

-You could use it as an opportunity to go through people's things when they're asleep.
-You could wake everyone up early because you think waking up early is a good thing to do.
-You could also walk around naked not being afraid anyone will see you.

Or you could use the time to sit, be quiet, pray, and reflect. I strive for not just production but for quality. A quality life that I can get to the end of and be happy that I was disciplined enough to accomplish goals, avoid sin, and obey God through it all. I love Thomas Jeffereson's quote:

"The sun has not caught me in bed in fifty years."

I wonder what time TJ went to bed. Although I haven't been able to say this for a long time I've been able to say it the past 10 days...and now I'm going to be able to say it in fifty years just like our founding father, unless I stay out too late partying. love. war.

"Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest—and poverty will come on you like a thief and scarcity like an armed man." ~Solomon

Things to think about:

-Political rhetoric

-Absolute truth
-Why you read blogs
-Raleigh's skyline at sunrise

Things to watch:

Wish she was my daughter

I'm No Monkey and I'm No Cat...Do I Have to Be an Animal?

2010-12-20T13:15:00.004-05:00

aww life.

I'm on my last cigarette and it's 144am. It's time to go home to sleep but the world keeps calling me asking me to engage in it with passionate rage. The Koreans are drifting home one by one from their passionate pursuit in their fantasy world. It begs me to question what kind of fantasy world I'm living in. Over the past 4 months I have felt like I am in one...without an avatar to fight the battles that come my way.

The people I meet think they are in an interview right off the bat. Tonight I had a date (well it wasn't a date exactly...but you know) with a beautiful Korean woman and she said "are you interviewing me?" I'm just curious; about everything. I'm curious to the point of madness. I'm curious about what spots are the best for cab drivers to pick people up in Seoul. I'm curious why the Seoul metro is so clean. I'm curious why Korean girls cover their mouth when they laugh. I'm curious why no one here cares about North Korea. I'm curious why I like smoking so much.

So basically I've figured out, to much of my astonishment, that people aren't as curious as I am. I'm very weary of people who aren't curious. The questions that run through my ever curious mind from day to day serve as a base point for how I interact with people. So are you curious?

I wouldn't assume that people should be curious all the time. Most people aren't curious...but I would assume that curiosity is what produces many things: great works of art, great companies, great salesman, and lastly great friendships. You can't have a great friendship if you aren't curious. I don't mean figuratively but rather literally. A great friendship consists on the basis that you're curious about the other person. Curious to understand why they view the world the way they do. Curious to take a walk in their shoes and love them unconditionally. Curious to know why they're crying or why they just broke up with their boyfriend. This is the curiousity that drives most of what I do and most, if not all, of my interactions with people I come into contact with.

People are always making fun of the amount of facebook friends I have. It's quite funny because I don't understand how it's hard for people to make friendships or why having a lot of facebook friends is negative. (I know you don't view them as real friendships but I do...because I've met 98% of the people I'm friends with) I simply think the whole time people are saying this that it's so easy to make friends with people...you just have to be curious. People think they're in an interview when I meet them because I ask them a lot of questions...not because I'm nosy...which people (you) probably think I am...but because I'm curious as hell why they are the way they are.

There is obviously levels of friendships but I view friendships as a very sacred thing. I honor my friendships I have with people and think of them as very important...the most important.

A simple questions opens up so many understandings about that person that not asking that question didn't before. And everyone has some wisdom to bestow on everyone. I'm looking for wisdom.

When I'm asking questions, this is what's going through my mind: what question can I ask this person that no one has ever asked them before. I believe there's a question for every person that they haven't ever been asked before and I'm bound to find out what that question is for every person.

There's no point to this post other than asking you to be more curious with the people you meet. Why? Because people need to be loved and your curiosity will open up their heart to you to really know what's going on...instead of talking about Kim Kardashian or the most recent basketball game. People often say to me, "I can't believe I'm telling you this." I can...because I care. Get deep. Don't be afraid. love. war.

Then Jesus said to his host, “When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, your relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they may invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.

Things to think about:
Now can controlling something make it more free?
-Woman being lonely after they have a child.
-downloading songs vs buying them.
-watching too much TV.

Things to watch:
Lets talk parenting taboos

Things to listen to:
Inna - Love

A Three Foot Ball of Fire Wrapped in Korean Skin; Squinty Eyes and All

2010-12-09T12:40:00.001-05:00

As far as I know all little boys are a little wild but nothing quite compares to Vincent. He's more than your average wild child: he kicks chairs, doesn't let other kids answer questions, and insists on sitting in his chair the wrong way...and he is the reason I'm staying in Korea.

Over the past 3 months I have considered quiting my job every day. All this has culminated with me actually quiting my job last Wednesday. Much to my regret I was convicted about quiting my job, because I'm not a wiener, and told my boss today that I want to unquit. I had a special meeting with the owner of my hagwon and she told me she was unhappy with me, to say the least,...for quiting and then unquitting to which I told her that I understand.

When I thought about quiting I was being selfish and only thinking about myself and what's best for me. Of course everyone is selfish, you're being selfish by taking time to read my blog and not doing the one hundred other things that you need to do, hopefully loving people is one of those thing. The question is when does doing something turn from being selfishness to selflessness, the quality that everyone should be trying to obtain.

When I figured out that there were other things at play in the picture I was convicted of my selfishness and told my boss that I had changed my mind. I've changed my mind a lot. And then I've changed my mind again. But never face to face with my bosses. There were loads of other things that came into the picture but I'd like to break down all the other minutia to one simple thing: Vincent.

Homeboy is the jam for real. When I thought about leaving Korea I was thinking about the no talent ass clown that would be teaching him after me and I couldn't think about letting someone teach him that might not love him, which is very easy to do. I was also sad about not seeing him grow up for the next 9 months. Is this what it feels like being a father?

This is a typical excerpt of my classes with Vincent:

Page: Does anyone know why Henry was scared Mudge had to go to the Vet?

Page: yes...Vincent?

Vincent: Your face is crazy.

Of course when I call on Vincent I'm not sure if he's going to give me the right answer, which he always knows, or the 'your face is crazy' response which is his, and now mine, personal favorite. I'm still trying to figure out if my face IS crazy. I'm white and everyone else is not white. To make fun of white people Korean kids use their fingers and open their eyes wide like white people...much like we did with Asians in the opposite way.

There are a few special things that I love about Vincent. Vincents handwriting is sub-par, but he doesn't care. Vincent is usually not in his chair, which drives me crazy, but he can't help. Vincent is in love with a girl in our class named Isabelle and he sometimes hits her and tells on her...not because he's trying to flirt with her but rather because he doesn't give a F#@k. He often runs up to the front and does flying kicks in the air trying to slam whatever is in his way. He leaves the room without asking. He reads his books upside down. He steals the fake incentive money that I have in my basket and gives it back just to show me who's boss. He's boss.

This description doesn't give him justice but Vincent doesn't do anything trying to gain approval, he just does whatever he wants. The main reason that I respect Vincent is because he just knows who he is...AND HE'S 8 YEARS OLD. I know you don't believe me but you have to believe me. He marches to the beat of his own whistle. And whistles don't even carry a beat. I guess you could say that Vincent is my favorite student...but he deserves to be because he's no one else's. love. war.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Things to think about:

-your make-up you wear.

-caffeine

-the gold standard

Things to read:

-This idiot

You're Not Great Because Your Goal is Sucky People

2010-11-21T03:26:00.001-05:00

On a day like today all one can do is blog. I've spend time in my room; my lonely, wood-floored, haven from blistering winds, beautiful Korean women, and the outside world. When I'm in my room all I do is think. I'm a thinking time bomb. I'm currently mercifulness plowing through Andre Agassi's autobiography thinking of my autobiography; sad that no one will ever write a biography about me. Out of all the possible things in the world, someone writing a biography of your life has to be the third most humbling experiences.

Jeremy Current has a song he wrote after his girlfriend was murdered titled Violet Boutique. The line that sticks in my brain, makes my gut grimace, and soul yearn: "I knew someday you'd dry up but I can't stop pouring water in your cup."

I feel as if my girlfriend has been murdered and I haven't had a girlfriend in six years. The second most humbling experience has to be someone saying they'll marry you and staying with you for life.

I can't stop pouring water in your cup.

Agony, a feeling I have no right to sympathize with. Agony, an emotion that comes daily to my calcium non-deficient bones. I'm in agony for wisdom. I'm in agony for love. I'm in agony for understanding...and I don't understand. I'm not trying to understand the deeper meanings of life, having graduated from that thinking long ago, but rather the trivial things of life. Once one thinks for hours on end all one can do is think some more. Andre's dad hates thinking because he says that it keeps people from doing.

Maybe I'm not a doer, I think to myself, running through the small list of accomplishments in my life. Some worth noting, some personal gold medals snatched out of the hands of millions of other competitors. But my accomplishments are like snotty loogies spit in my face as I look at my future. Ones accomplishments are only as good as who you're comparing yourself to. I am currently comparing myself to Andre. Once number one in the world.

I change the song. Tired of wanting to cry. Not tears of sadness but tears of agony. What's the agony. I don't know.

"So why did you come to Korea?" She asks me as we stand waiting on separate taxis. She a Korean trying to understand me and gauging me with other Americans she's met; the ones that hang out in Itaewon. I'm an American trying to gauge myself. Wonderfully beautiful and unbearingly attractive I tell her I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I feel like I could repeat this a million times to anyone who asks me any questions about anything. I said something about culture or some other bullshit that I didn't know why I was saying. I pride myself in my ability to think fast. I can't think that fast...we were waiting on taxis and taxis in Seoul are like ignorant people in America. She ignored a couple free taxis and let them pass much like I ignore ignorant Americans and let them pass.

I rest on Solomons wisdom in my daily agony:
Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun--all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.

The main reason I can't enjoy life is that I don't have a wife whom to love all the days of this meaningless life.

I agree with Jesus in my glorious loneliness:
For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.

What's next. I don't know. All I know is I want to be great and I want to do this with my wife. This looks different for a believer but I still can't understand why. love. war.

Things to think about:
-not thinking

People From All Over the World Reading the Same Crappy Thing...MY BLOG

2010-11-10T11:52:00.000-05:00

Technology now a days allows for a lot of things that the past wouldn't of allowed. For instance...wasting hours gazing into other people's lives through countless photos of them and their friends that they make available to others for that specific purpose. Or even simple , extraordinarily things like using a plastic card anywhere you are when you want to buy something. (Something you take for granted).

Something else technology has enabled me to do is see the people that come to my blog and the things they search to find it. Recently someone that came upon it searched for this and I thought it was funny enough to share with you:

"how to write a apology letter for something you didn't do to a gym teacher"

It brought her to this blogpost. Of course this begs the questions...What does the gym teaching think this chick did? (I'm assuming she's a chick) The next question is did my blog help her out? It probably didn't because most the people that come to my blog from searches don't read the whole thing. (I can see that too) But I still think it's very very funny. Here are some other things that people have searched that have come up on my blog...all funny but not as funny as that gym teacher apology letter crap...

-I like the way she smokes her cigarettes
-I've told someones secrets to people, how do I get them to not say to anyone
-Should you keep secrets from people. bible
-Sometimes I'd rather build a fire than a relationship

The last one is probably my favorite...because sometimes I'd rather build a fire than a relationship...but in Seoul you can't build fires. love. war.

Things to think about:
-how is life in america different from other places
-does smoking cigarettes really make people mad
-why does making a profit for oneself considered so bad

Things to watch:
Obama...2 terms...eh.

Korean Eyes and Knives that Make them Beautiful

2010-11-08T23:48:00.000-05:00

People from the west don't really understand what it's like being a Korean girl. Which is understandable since you aren't a Korean girl. And since you're from the west, you fit nicely into the category of people that I'm talking about. Do you have any Asian friends? Next time you're hanging out with them, look closely at their eyes without making them feel uncomfortable. If you're Asian and reading this, look in a mirror.

It wasn't until I flew to Seoul and started conversing with some women with Korean eyes that I realized that they don't like them. And almost everyone here, I use the term everyone very loosely, gets eye surgery; they want to look more western. Not all of them want to look more western. Of course there are the few that just want to look more beautiful. You know Milan...Pocahontas. Thanks Disney.

My coworker Donna, who is a very pretty woman, told me that she wants to get eye surgery to be more beautiful. I was shocked. Seriously. I don't get shocked that often. She is beautiful. Already. And she is married already. WHAT? Maybe her husband should tell her that she's more beautiful. I guess that's another issue. Maybe not.

To better understand what I'm talking about look at this...
The Asian eyelid

They want to get bigger eyes. I told Donna that there are a lot of woman in America with big eyes who are ugly. There are also thousands of beautiful Korean girls that haven't gotten surgery with normal Korean eyes, I suppose.

Apparently Korean women don't have an eyelid...or they do and we have two. We being white people. All the Korean Pop stars...Kpop...get eye surgery to look more beautiful. I think the Kpop stars are beautiful and would love to meet one or even marry one...but I didn't know it was because they got surgery. They became drastically less desirable then I found out their eyes weren't natural but rather tampered with.

Healthy guys think that fake boobs look really stupid and not beautiful. Healthy guys like natural to unnatural. Perverted guys prefer something fake. Those are the guys that you shouldn't be worrying about. They suck. They are the guys that if you married, you would always be wondering why they didn't think you were beautiful. They aren't happy with themselves and use porn as the standard for all women. I can be included in the not so righteous group of perverted guys. Most of us can. And like a lot of us, we're not happy about it...For I've looked at porn and even have found myself comparing woman to the gross indecency that it exposes. But unlike the fads of our time I choose to pursue something greater than that.

Would Donna be prettier with bigger eyes? Would I look better if I wasn't balding? Would everyone look better if they were perfect? Probably. Then the question arises; is physical beauty all that matters? And the answer is certainly yes...if you're after physical beauty.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

And it's obvious that what the Lord thinks of you is more important than what any man thinks about you. He created you and loves you. love. war.

Things to listen to:
4th Avenue Jones

Things to think about:
-When things are cheaper it makes everything better save adopting Children
-lighters and smoking: cigarettes, pipes, and cigars

It's Not the 'Twelve Step' but it's Close

2010-10-26T23:10:00.000-04:00

When I was younger, I had what some people like to call nervous energy.Sometimes, my parents would tell me to go run around the house...and I did, my little legs carrying me as fast as they could. I was as fast as a whip. In my 5th grade year, I held the record for the mile run: 6:19, if my memory serves. Not bad for a scrawny 10 year-old. Mr.Shawnburg said I tied two other guys but I was obviously way ahead of them. Is it really that hard to be a gym teacher?

Anyway, I have no idea where this energy came from. I mean, obviously it came from God, but I don't know why he so decided to bless me, of all people, with it. People ask me to not put my feet on their chairs because they get annoyed with the shaking. When people talk about being a night person or a day person, I tell them that I'm both...because I am. People even asked me if I had A.D.D. and I told them no, why? Did you eat paint chips when you were younger?

I've realized one amazing thing while teaching that has changed this once scrawny, now slightly bigger, guy’s life. I acted the same, when I when I was younger as the kids that I don't like in class act, because they are so crazy, and have so much energy. (Granted a lot of the kids might get all their energy from sweets that their parents so ignorantly bestow into their little grubby fingers. My energy was much more pure and untainted, but still.)

Step one: Realize you were the problem.

Coming to the realization that I was such a problem to have in class I so decided to write the teachers who were bless enough to have me in the past and apologize to them for my behavior, or lack there of. The email went something to the effect of this:

Step two: Correct your wrongs by very impersonal email apology letter.

Dear [teacher],

I don't know if you remember me but I just wanted to write you a letter and tell you that I'm an English teacher now in Seoul and totally understand how hard it is to teach [Korean] kids who suck and don't behave, and wanted to apologize for my sucky behavior in your class. I regret it and I'm sorry. love. war.

% Page

This is just one of the replies that I've received back from one of my teachers, who for some reason has a disgustingly sick memory. My gut-busting, harassingly witty comments are in bold green.

"Page! Yes, I remember you, you were in my 10th grade English Honors (Honors...you know it) class in Mr. Sapp's room in the 600 building (WHAT!?!!?). I used to let you pace the back of the room so that you
would be moving and could concentrate. (I don't even remember this) You were doing t-shirts for awhile, I remember. (Not just tee-shirts Stephanie Wallace...clothing)

I am doing well...We are loving life! I am quite proud of you for what you are doing! I always told you that once you learned to focus that energy you would touch lives. (I'm not really touching anything) Congratulations! (This job was a piece of cake to get)

Stephanie Wallace, MA
National Board Certified Teacher"

Step three: Pray your previous teachers that you can't get a hold of are retired.

The main teacher that I wanted to write an apology note to is named Mrs. Huffman. I talked as much as Malibu Barbie would, if she was alive, in that class. I couldn't find the Huff on my high school's website. I pray she's retired and not dead.

Step four: Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

I think all 3 step programs, 12 step programs, any training programs, and all weight lose programs should always end with Krispy Kreme doughnuts. There's no better reward for the disciplined than hot and fresh! love. war.

p.s. The picture is my man Greg running the Kirspy Kreme challenge in Raleigh, NC.

Things to think about:

-Obama and his inexperience
-Page and his inexperience

Things to read:
Drudge

...is the Act of Providing Sexual Services to Another Person in Return for Payment

2010-10-07T08:14:00.000-04:00

Do you know what it’s like residing in the 3^rd most populous city in the world? I'm going to say something that might shock you: but it's nothing like living in the mountains save the smell of piss; which, oddly enough, is more prevalent in the this city than I thought it'd be. It's around this pleasant time of year that I start to drastically love America. And, since I'm not in America, this equates to a little bit of home sickness.

No this post isn't about nostalgia, but fall is by far the most nostalgic season of the year. It's almost impossible to get nostalgic in the summer, spring, or winter like in the fall; you can believe me...I'm the king of nostalgia.

Walking around Seoul is a sight to behold. If I was good at painting pictures with words and liked repeating myself I'd do that right now. And since I have no pictures and you can access my previous posts you'll just have to envisage it.

What is it like walking around where you live? Usually to get out of their boring existence, the people that I rub shoulders with think it's the top of the world to go to the section of Seoul that is called Itaewon.

Itaewon is where Korean girls go who want to find American men to date,

and where American guys go to find Korean girls to date.

There's also another difference between Itaewon and the mountains where I’m from. Itaewon is a place our brothers in the American military go to have sex with sex slaves.

What. the. hell.

Wikipedia describes Itaewon like this and I quote: "Prostitution has long been visible in Itaewon. Although efforts to crack down...have reduced the visibility of the trade, brothels still exist and are quite easy to find."

I wish I was brilliant enough to make this post funny and witted. I wish I had the capability of writing a sarcastically magnificent blog post that would encourage every living and breathing soul who reads it to change their actions and stop wasting money on fancy shoes, on spending hours drinking alcohol at their local bar, on eating out for countless meals, and on their own happiness. I know that I don't. But it's a good thing I'm not talking to them...

I'm talking to you.

Do you ever get frustrated with spending money to indulge in your own happiness? Do you ever stop to think what you're spending your money on? While walking around Itaewon for the first time two weeks ago, I saw women ready to give men anything they desire. I saw women invite me into their brothels. I know not whether they are slaves in the industry, tricked to coming to Seoul in the hopes of a better life, or if they are merely women who never had a good father to protect them.

Whichever one, needlessly drinking and having fun in a bar in Itaewon while 50 feet away a Filipino girl lies under the panting, sweating body of an American militant, closing her eyes waiting for the pain of his forceful penis to end and him to finish, is a feeling that sits foul in my bowels. And since I have a problem with having a good time while woman are forced to have sex with military men I'm not going to be spending money on anything that isn't necessary.

No little girl ever dreams of becoming a prostitute when she's young.

"Daddy, daddy you know what I want to be when I grow up, a whore."

I'm not condemning your actions. You just didn't know. I didn't either. I'm the chief sinner. I have 10 grand of credit card debt. It's time to start being responsible. I am. Would you like to join me?

Things to think about:

-Getting married
-selling some things you don't need
-Taking action, living simply, and donating your money instead of indulging in your and my selfishness.

Things to listen to:

-your heart

The World Could Use One Less Teacher: Me

2010-09-21T23:39:00.002-04:00

After joyously arriving in a Seoul, Korea a month ago, and now living here for a month, my eyes have been opened to an awful realization:

I don't like teaching English.

My new friend Joe told me that the problem with me is that I always think I'm right. And, while I love Joe and have only known him a few weeks, I can tell you that he is wrong in thinking that I think that I'm always right.

For instance, this afternoon I bought dish-washing soap at the local market and when I went home to wash my dishes I realized that the smell on the soap is an intoxicatingly disgusting mix of citrus fruit that apparently some Korean tycoon came up with to drive his wife out of the house. So, instead of doing my dishes, I followed the magnate's orders. I closed the cap, packed my pockets full of useful gadgets, and cursed myself for making a wrong decision and headed out to the PC baung to write this entry.

Another wrong decision that I've made recently was getting on a plane and flying to Prague, then proceeding to Seoul to teach English to little Koreans. Sometime in the depressed 25 years of my life, I thought I'd enjoy teaching. And sometime else in my vain 25 years of living, I thought I'd enjoy teaching English. And yet sometime else in my glorious existence, I thought I'd like teaching English to little Korean kids.

It's not the fact that all the kids can't say my name correctly and pronounce it Pagey (making me feel like less of a man every day).

It isn't having to teach 11 different classes every other day of the week. .

It isn't having a full time job,

It isn't the cameras in every room watching my every move.

It isn't my loving boss who told me yesterday that I have a bad memory, or my coworkers who I've been told I'm lucky to have.

It isn't even that I have to look at Asians 40 hours a week; which is actually a perk.

I just don't like teaching. (and I'm not that good at it)

I'm not complaining or whining or whimpering or whatever it is you think I'm doing. I'm not looking for condolences or patronages or pilgrimages or anything of the sort. I don't want your money or your sadness or your advice. Hell, I just thought you should know what's going on with me here in Korea.

So with 1 month down and 11 more months of this teaching thing left, I'm digging my trench and preparing for a long battle with stinking and trench foot. I'm praying that somehow God shows me how to be a better teacher. I'm also praying that when I go home, my nostril palate will have grown to love the citrus hell flowing into my sink. If not, I'm going to be eating Ramin (not to be confused with Ramen) in some dirty bowls tonight.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Ephesians 4:29

Things to think about:

-Koreans use umbrellas on the regular

-Wisdom can be learned

Things I'm reading:

-The Confederacy of Dunces

-The Unbearable Lightness of Being

-The book of I Corinthians

Things to listen to:

-Eric Kaufman music

I'm Headed to 'Hooker Hill', Maybe I'll Score Him a Prostitute

2010-09-15T23:43:00.002-04:00

From my ten story apartment, I can see all of Seoul...well...at least the part of Seoul you can see from a ten story apartment facing one direction. The vast array of buildings lay beautifully thrown into a grotesque garden; each building a flower. The designer of the buildings, unlike the designer of flowers, had not beauty in mind but rather function when his erections were manifested. The function obviously people, the people obviously living. As I come to a close on the last inhale of my cigarette, I stare at all the lights, as my blind is unable to perform its job at keep out the blinking neon, like a security guard trying to contain a Bieber mob.

In the distance, red crosses held high up in the sky; like a pope holding the rosary high above his head demanding penance. These crosses, perhaps a banner for weary souls, signify the many 'Christian' churches laid out about the city.

I change posture at my desk in the dark, drinking lukewarm, unfiltered tap-water from my sink, connected to the unfiltered city water supply, that not even the Koreans drink. I'm not Korean. Ten stories below and 200 yards away I see a hungry, small, maneless lion prowling the allies looking for its pride; however, it hunts alone. Fighting to stay alive in a city that doesn't love it, care for it, or even see it.

My mind wanders like a vagabond to the lonely prostitutes giving hour after hour of unrequited sexual pleasure to the most needy of adulterous men leaving their wives who are fending for themselves, lonely at home, craving loyalty, looking after the kids that they both chose to bring into this polluted hell.

I'm blessed to not be a prostitute. In front of me lies the future dreamers of the Korean world. Behind me the grotesque actions of people taking after the buildings they live in. Where is the hope, I wonder. What do women hope in as they endlessly give their bodies and soul to the lustful cravings of impotent, adulterous men? How long does it take to realize that the hope you put in riches is empty, like the tomb Jesus was laid in?

Christianity calls for action and I, one of the soldiers in the war, am looking for the good fight. If you don't look at life as a war you're the person I'm fighting for.

From my limited, perched perspective, I still see all of Seoul. A tiny America struggling to keep its honor in the wake of MTV and the next generation. My belly is hungry for more food; a rumbling that Ramen noodles hasn't been able to quench. My clock reads 0152 hrs in the neon red that every person in the modern world has grown boringly accustomed to depending on. I know not how and I know not when (At this late hour it's hard to think) but somehow I'm going to help the women that don't wish to be prostitutes come to a life of hope, not in money, but in the good news of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

This Sunday I make my way to Hooker Hill. That's where they are. That's where I'm going to be.

On the eve of my first payday I'm excited at the prospect of being able to help people like I've never been able to before. love. war.

"In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, because this summarizes the Law and the Prophets." Matthew 7:12

Things to think about:

-You believe in the emotional more than the spiritual

-Why does the White House look the same on two separate sides?

-If I love networking what is a job I can do?

Things to listen to:

-legit - B.O.B. I'll Be in the Sky

Its Walls Were Vast and Gorgeous but She Didn't Care

2010-09-08T23:39:00.000-04:00

My father told me a story once. It involved him and my mom in their first few years of marriage. They were taking a road trip and my mom, raised a stick Mennonite, had an insatiable desire for books; she read and read. Even when they arrived at the Grand Canyon, my dad was out staring into the vast expanse of 2 billion year old (get real) Vishnu Schist rock, while my mom was sitting in the car reading a book.

Now, I can tell you that it wasn't due to my mom’s frequency to the Grand Canyon that dulled God's beauty for her, as if to say, “I know I've seen it a thousand times." (The feeling I got in Prague) But rather, from what I can gather, it was the beauty that my mom saw in the characters in her stories; whether they were love characters, hate characters, or somewhere-in-between characters.

He yelled "Birdie", a nickname for Roberta. (A name my mom would later loath, desiring to not sound so old and black) "get out of the car and come see this." As my mom did, begrudgingly or not I don’t know, she stood and looked for some seconds and said, "That's nice," as if she was merely looking at a boy giving up his chair for an older woman, or gazing at a child's picture placating then saying simply, "That's nice." She then turned and sat back in the car, back in her lee.

I feel like my mom right now. I lie in bed reading a captivating book while all of Seoul is laid out before me ready to be punctured by my personality. But yet I don't move and keep reading.

Have you ever heard the phrase..

"You don't change the culture, the culture changes you."

If I had to guess I would say my mom took that phrase and said something like...

"I don't care about the culture, I'll do what I like."

So today I make the same declaration. "It's not about culture, it's about who I am."

Koreans tell (not all of them) white lies. I tell the truth. Koreans think (not all of them) that if you have facial hair, you're dirty. I don't shave.

I can assure you that no matter where I live and for how long I live there, the culture won't change me and who I am. No matter where you go, being a Christian is being a Christian and culture has nothing to do with how you act. So please don't change who you are based on the people you're around. Unless they are helping you to become better. Cut the people out of your life that are encouraging you to be horrible. Keep the people in your life that need you to be strong for them.

until next time...

나는 당신을 사랑 당신을 다시보고 싶어서 기다릴 수 없습니다.

(I love you and can't wait to see you again.) war.

Things to listen to:
LIGHTS

Things to think about:
-You need a significant other to be complete.
-The Far Side is the best comic strip ever.

Hit home a little?

2010-09-06T11:52:00.002-04:00

New York City with Asians...a Lot of Them

2010-08-30T13:18:00.004-04:00

The streets of Seoul are alive and kicking: old women picking up street cardboard on carts for money, cigarette smokers as far as the eye can see, enough scooters to start a scotter mafia that could rival the 'Sons of Anarchy', and more internet cafes than Starbucks.

They call them PC bongs...and you pay to use the internet, obviously. I guess you could say it's a glorified internet cafe. Bored teenagers conquring the World...of War Craft at 0145 hours.

On the flight over I met a guy named Nick who is a pilot for the royal family of Dubai. Another, a lovely woman from New Zealand, named Olivia, who's never actually met an American Christian that ACTUALLY BELIEVES IN CREATIONISM! (use a New Zeland accent and it's much better. I'm sure I could have fallen in love with her had we meet before she got a husband, and been a Christian, and been 10 years younger), and a whole host of other random peeps who I wished I could be facebook friends with to see how their lives turn out.

I've been uprooted from my sweet, little hostel in Prague and placed at the center of the Korean Universe and am not sure what I think about it. Maybe it's the fact that I've never lived in a city larger than 30,000 people. And now I'm living smack dab in the middle of the 3th largerst city in the world; sitting on around 10,464,051 people. Well...10,464,052 now.

If I could describe Seoul in a phrase it would be: third world country meets internet and coffee hardcore. It's everything you think and nothing you've ever experienced, all rolled up into a small cherry fruit by the foot, bursting at the seams.

And now, since I have only 9 minutes left, of my one hour dungeon sentence, with my asian peers, I wish you a healthy and hearty 30th of August, 2010. love. war.

Things to think about
-marrying someone of another race.

Things to read:
In the land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job

Korea: Land of the Free and Home of the 'Courteous People in the East'

2010-08-24T05:05:00.003-04:00

This is an update blog, posted quickly from a community computer, while hordes of young gentleman, from all reaches of the world, wait to check their facebooks and play Mafia Wars.

Today I fly, on Emirates no less, to South Korea, in a much anticipated departure from the semi-great country of Czech Republic. I leave today at 16:00 and arrive tomorrow at 16:00. While I have no ill will to give to this country I get closer and closer each second to extreme elation at the thought of settling down in my 'studio flat' somewhere in the bowels of smelly, dirty, ugly, and polluted Seoul, Korea. Without sounding mellow dramatic this might be the second happiest day of my life. Not to be outdone by the first happiest day of my life, of course, which was the day Abbey Saxby, my 5th grade sweetheart, decided to be an item with me...I think I figuratively peed my pants. We hugged the last day of 5th grade and it was bloody beautiful; you would of cried. (the other great days obviously rank 3rd through 100th).

So in the wake of hours of Bible reading, hanging out with Frenchmen and Germans into all hours of the night, arguing why freedom is better than socialism, tens of trips to the grocery, and plenty of hot showers (my favorite pastime) on my knees (my least favorite pastime), I depart to the Prague airport, where a beautiful young hostess waits eagerly to serve me wine and pillows, while I watch hours of crappy Hollywood movies, to eventually gaze down onto my future home: Reading Town, Seoul, South Korea.

Love. war.

Things to think about:
-What hasn't been invented yet?

Things to read:
Bush spent...Obama spends more. Let the spending stop.

Things to do:
-pray

Hobbies Come in All Shapes and Sizes and Rolling Papers

2010-08-18T14:42:00.000-04:00

I’m looking out my room window (room 202A, floor 1, don’t ask). The view is pretty crappy and a trail goes by every 10 minutes. But what can you expect with an 8€ a night cost of living. I’ve had a lot of time on my own the last couple weeks so I’ve taken up a few hobbies.

The first, rolling cigarettes, which don’t have a filter and make me light headed as all get out, so I only smoke few. So far I suck, as you would expect. It’s like having to make a sandwich before you eat it. LAME. I’m from America.

The second, now don't call me crazy, is learning Korean, which for lack of a better analogy is like learning a new language.

It’s not as easy as learning Spanish though; something that I couldn’t even manage to do after 4 years of classes. You have to learn a whole new alphabet which is called Hangul and spelled looks like this… 한글. See what I mean. Six characters broken up into two syllables to make one amazingly difficult word and in turn making up one very difficult language. Thank you Tower of Babel goers. Dangun should of made the official language of Korea English when he had a chance. It’s a joke…God should of.

Another hobby that I’ve started that I’m much better at than learning Korean is dancing in clubs.

I’ve already started learning some new moves. There’s “sweat real bad to detract all the girls.” Another “dance all alone in a seductive manner trying to allure men and when it works give them a ugly look and turn around” And my personal favorite, “Pay 120 Czech Crowns to come into the club and watch people dance” I’m still working on this one but it’s hard because I’m dancing.

Small-town America doesn’t understand dance clubs. I know because my entire 25 years of existence I’ve lived in small towns in America that have zero dance clubs. The occasional dance club that I have visited pales in comparison to dance clubs here in Prague; the best being the 5 Story Club.

The first story: (as shown by a projector on the wall): Radio hits. On this floor people from all countries dance to the most famous radio dance music in the world, American, while men stand peering down on the dance floor looking really really really cool.

The second story: Dance music. On this floor a 9 foot alien projects red lasers all around the smoke machined room while people dance to the most annoying techno music you’ve ever heard. On the side of the room are 20 boxes lit with black lights to dance on with lasers coming down from the ceiling. It’s a site to see sober. I can’t even imagine what I’d be like being high.

The third story: Black music. While I’m not sure what they mean by black music judging from the things they play I’m assuming its bump and grind music. Although I’ve heard the occasional Gwen Stefani song who I’ve pretty sure isn’t black. Maybe they mean music that black people listen to which would explain the floor being packed with everyone but black people. I think I’ve seen all of 2 black people in all of Prague since I’ve been here…okay okay…maybe 3.

The forth story: Oldies. Who knew Europeans loved Bon Jovi more than me? All the oldies are of course from the west because what I’ve learned is that no one made music besides Westerners in the 60’s and 70’s. Everything from I Get Around by The Beach Boys to Hey Jude by The Beatles. I don’t spend that much time on this floor because I’ve never figured out how to dance to Hey Jude. Apparently all of Europe knows how because this is always the most packed floor of the house. The top picture is of this floor.

The fifth story: Chill music. Or as I like to call it “sweat music” because I did not one second of chilling when I was on the floor. The DJ plays main room house music and dudes just dance. They aren’t looking for girls. They aren’t looking to be cool. They. Just. Let. Loose. So, that’s what I did. It’s not like an Urban Sophisticates show (YO WINGS) but it’s close.

There’s a total of 10 bars in the whole club, 20 different rooms, and 500 Italian men.

My one rule of going to a dance club is this: You must bring at least one girl with you. Love. War.

Things to think about:

-How your emotions can change so quickly from one second to another.

-You don't need an iPod to start exercising.

-Ignore grammatical mistakes in my blogs. I hate commas and knowing how to use them.

Things to listen to:

On a side note I’d like to say that one song I’m listening to now that isn’t American and is number one in every country save America is We No Speak Americano by Yolanda Be Cool.

Here’s the original version

And Here’s the dance remix

Things to read:

The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis (if you're smart enough)

Sex in Hostels and Dancing in Clubs

2010-08-11T17:59:00.001-04:00

I’m laying on my bed in Prague at a hostel called Dizzy Daisy (picture provided). I’ve never stayed at a hostel before and if you haven’t either I can fill you in on what it’s like; a cheap hotel with roommates. They don’t provide soap or make your bed every day. One great thing though is the people that you meet.

A guy staying in a room here is a DJ at a strip club. We’ll call him Jazzy Jeff for the sake of privacy. He just came in my room and asked me if a certain song is a good song for the girls to dance to. I thought about it for a second and told him I don’t really know if I feel comfortable picking songs for your girls to dance to…but…that one sounds a little slow.

I’m not sure how fast or slow a strip song is supposed to sound so I make educated guesses from two separate things I’ve experienced: dancing, and taking off my clothes. He played another one and I thought it’d be too fast. Hell, I don’t know, do strippers like fast music or slow music? Jeff said they liked all different stuff. That makes sense I suppose. Despite the popular opinion, I guess all strippers aren’t alike.

We’ve talked a lot about God, focusing on his providence. He knows the Bible fairly well and I've enjoyed our discussions. He agrees that God doesn't like strippers stripping but said he's not going to do this job that long. I told him to quit.

I’ve also never understood why they use poles for stripping and no other types of dancing. Does anyone know the reason for this? I know in ballet they use sideways poles for practicing but I'm pretty sure that’s not the same thing.

I’ve changed rooms twice and I meet a guy and his friend. They were from Italy and apparently after getting back to the club at 3 in the morning he had time to score with an American.

Ciro: Sorry for waking you Page.

Page: nah man it’s all right. How was your night?

Ciro: We meet two girls from America. It was disbelievable.

Page: I’m not sure what you mean by that bro. Like unbelievable?

Ciro: um…like…she was easy.

Page: Did you have sex with her?

Ciro: yes

Page: uhh

Ciro: yeah it was a fun night.

Maybe he wasn’t talking about sex and something got lost in translation but sex is a pretty universal word and so is the word yes. (Unlike the word 'is' which seems to have a lot of meanings. Thank you Bill Clinton).

Now I don’t consider myself sheltered in the least, but I couldn’t even begin to explain to you how to go to a club and pick up a girl and have sex with her…why…because I don’t do it. And we all know that practice makes perfect. One thing is for sure though that it’s crazy to me how ambivalent people are about sex. Isn’t it something important to give to someone that you know that you love and trust? Isn’t it something that should be used to consummate a marriage and save for your wife or husband?

What else is crazy to me is how sex is the pinnacle of everything in a man-woman relationship. Everyone is trying to achieve this one thing, for believers it’s on their wedding night and for non believers it’s every night…still it’s the apex of the physical relationships.

This sex craze makes sense to me though in that I’m 25, and still desiring to have sex with my wife. I know in time I’ll find her and we’ll live happily ever after. Until then tell me your perspective on sex. I’d love to hear it. Love. War.

Things to think about:
-How many people you know from foreign countries
-If every country has open borders are they really a country?

Things to watch:
Legit goals
The funniest Jesus videos you'll ever see The third one is the best...watch them all

It was a Far Cry from a Bloodbath and a Short Walk to a Holy Revival

2010-08-09T22:34:00.001-04:00

Later, he told me his friends called him Euchin…he said it was sort of a nickname. His real name was hard to understand and I didn’t try. Right then, I didn’t know him from Adam. His body oozed alcohol and his knuckles oozed blood; probably from an earlier fight he had got into. Those knuckles foreshadowed what I knew was a fight I was going to have to break up. Don’t ask me how I knew but I started going through all the possible scenarios: two, I died in, four, I got badly hurt and the rest were the probability.

Sometimes the things that we fight for the most are the things we know aren’t true but want to be.
Sometimes the things we fight against the most, we know are the truest but don’t want to believe.
Sometimes our fighting against things we know to be true is a desperate attempt to control the things in our lives that can’t be controlled and we feel helpless.

They spoke in Czech but I could tell from the body language that they didn’t like each other. One, my previously mentioned, soon-to-be friend, and the other, some random Praginian we’ll call giggles (because he did a lot of giggling). Separated by a crowd full of passengers they talked junk back and forth. Giggles giggled with his friend and Euchin said with a glare in his eye. “Nebudete smát za minute.” (You won't be laughing in a minute.)

I thought when I lived in America that I didn’t have peace. It wasn’t until I moved to Prague and saw people living without peace that I really knew that I had peace beyond belief. Sometimes, getting out of your situation really shows you what you thought really wasn’t true.

You fight tooth and nail to prove evolution but not everything adds up so you fill in the gaps with the excusethat someone else knows the gaps but you’ve just forgotten them. You fight God…even when you don’t believe…because a God who is love wouldn’t take the life of someone you loved. Everyone has to die, are you so much more important than everyone else that God should spare the life of the people that YOU loved? Is there no place for evil? Is there no place for a deceiver? How have you been deceived? I’ll think about it with you if it makes it easier.

I’m not asking you to abandon everything you’ve learned to believe in. I’m asking you to simply question the things you’ve learned to know based on a world that has sold you.

They ask you to look better and I tell you to look at the heart. They ask you to gain power and I ask you to put others first. They ask you to look out for yourself but Jesus asks you to “do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

The tram came to a stop and it was go time, Euchin exited the train while Giggles stayed onboard. Euchin passed Giggles while exiting and ripped his shirt tugging at his collar, Giggles did nothing, Euchin stepped back on the tram and got two solid face punches in at Giggles’ face. Giggles did nothing; didn’t even pull his hand down from the bar. I pulled Euchin off the tram and told the driver to shut the doors. “I don’t think he speaks English,” Euchin said in broken English, with a smile, a laugh, and a twinkle in his eye.

I was so surprised that it took one second for him to go from aggressioned bloody knuckles to calmed laughing face; which showed me Euchin didn’t struggle with rage but pride, I thought “I guess not” and successfully stepped between Euchin and his prey saying, “Where are you from man.” It was just long enough to get the doors closed. We became friends and walked awhile back to their home. His four friends were with him. We laughed about my name and America…”Yes I know the Wu-Tang clan…no I don’t live in California.”

I was pretty glad I wasn’t dead…but gladder that Euchin didn’t feel like punching me too. But sure either way that it didn't matter. Jesus has a way of softening the hardest of hearts. He also said to turn the other cheek and I was prepared to obey but…you know.

Euchin was hungry for power and suffers from pride; I, hungry for peace and untroubled with turmoil. This is the war we’re in. What kind of war are you fighting? love. war.

Things to think about:
-Paying for plastic bags at grocery stores is awfully wasteful
-Celebrities twit in fear of not being famous anymore. Pretty pathetic.

Legit Proverbs:

-Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. 16:18

-A wise son hears his fathers instructions, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke. 13:1

You Better Bring More than 10 Koruna if You're Moving to Prague

2010-08-06T13:06:00.000-04:00

The view from where I wrote this blog...I know...it's beautiful

When I first came to Prague, I obviously didn’t know specifically what to expect, other than everyone telling me how beautiful it was. “Oh you’re going to Prague, that’s such a beautiful city.” After I literally had 6 people tell me the same thing, I began to doubt their claims because, as I’ve learned in college, the masses aren’t correct. But, having been to Prague, I can tell you that it is beautiful but the beauty is the same on every street. So, like you would get used to the beauty of the mountains when living in the mountains, you quickly get used to the beauty of Prague living in Prague. (as with other cultures like Swaziland) Make sense?

Bathrooms cost money here. Everyone knows that when you go to Europe you’re going to pay to pee, but why? The test I use when deciding about whether I like a place is very simple and consists of two questions-

1) free pee and 2) free water.

So far Prague has a 0 and 2 rating with my test and therefore fails with a 0%. The same grade I received on my senior year Spanish test after my cheat sheet fell to the floor. Sorry Mrs. Rymer.

So you can obviously picture my disappointment when I order water by saying something like, “Do you have tap water?” Dumbfounded look ensues…”Um…water…in glass…(point to faucet) from sink.” Look of understanding ensues. Receive…bottle of water with a glass. While you might chalk this up to American ignorance and my lack of Český (the language Czech’s speak), I can assure you these restaurants have glasses and they have sinks. I have seen them both.

The second, bathrooms, is obvious and needs no further explanation, save to say, if you don’t have 10 Czech Crowns, you pee your pants. Since not peeing your pants has roughly the same value everywhere around the world…enough said.

Prague is also said to have the most beautiful women in the world and so far I’m thinking when people say that, they mean the most beautiful women in Czech Republic. I’ve only seen two girls that I think are beautiful. The first at a club and I couldn’t work up the nerve to ask her out because she was in another league and the second had a “boyfriend.” Whose name I didn’t ask but was probably Pavel. No offense to all the Pavels out there…you guys are great.

Another thing about Prague is they don’t efficiently label street names, which isn’t a big deal of course unless you want to go somewhere. When they do label the streets, they put the names on the corners of buildings. So if there isn’t a building on the corner, you guessed it, no street name. Which makes driving and getting places difficult, as every street usually has things on it that you want to get to. If there is a building on the corner, they put the name of the street that you’re already on, on the side of the building, making it impossible to see the street name of the building you want to turn on until you’ve already turned.

The last thing I’d like to point out is that for the most part people aren’t that nice here. I think this is probably due to the whole 1948 coup d'état and the Prague Spring, but I can’t prove it. The culture only changes you if you let it. Now that Czech Republic is a pluralist multi-party parliamentary representative democracy I have hope for their future. And since I have no desire to become a grumpy old turd I’ll keep saying hi to people and keep getting rough stares back…I don’t mind.

There are also a lot of good things about Prague: It is beautiful; the public transit is quite easy, ridiculously clean, and surprisingly quick; beer is very cheap and better than PBR; and everyone smokes, which makes social smoking a true past time because it’s unbelievably easy to bum fags. If Prague had bike lanes, Wal-Mart, and better sausage, changes are I'd want to stay. But since they don't, I'm off to South Korea. When, I'm not sure. love. war.

Things to think about:

-Are your rights being infringed upon?

Things to watch:

I filmed this outside the Kafka museum today...

The Cancer of Kingdom Animalia...Mosquitoes

2010-08-02T07:18:00.000-04:00

A lot of my thoughts are over thought. As are a lot of my blogs. Stupid. I think I cured myself from this little disaster about a week ago when I posted: In Architecture a Facade, in Anatomy the Heart.

Something that I'm not in my blogs is myself. I'm not sure why this is because I tend to like myself more than I like other people (which is the whole point behind Jesus saying love your neighbor as yourself).

I was so worried about doing things the right way and not Page's way, which is right, to me. So I've decided to be more myself in my blogging. Which means I'm going to doing a little more:

thinking out loud
sarcastic commenting
literal questioning

and a little less:

grammatical rightness
weeks between posts
worry about what you'll think of me

I mean if I act like I don't care what you think of me when you're around me, which I don't, why do I care so much of what you think of me in my blogs. I mean for starters I write my blog in word and send it to a friend so she can edit it before I post...and the edits are all grammatical. So I've stopped caring if the things that I write aren't correct. Mainly because I don't care that much anymore. And because. THIS. IS. A. BLOG. which can, in some languages be translated to "A Joke." If I was writing a book or something that I was selling to people I'd give them a little more heed and have someone go over the words and grammar to make it right. But since you little mosquitoes get to suck on my blog for free I'm not going to worry if I mess a verb tense, here, or put a comma in, the wrong place, once and, a while here. I mean come on, we're all native speakers and you can easily comprehend what I'm trying to say. If you can't go read someone's blog that's better than mine.

Which brings me to my next point:

Mosquitoes!!

I think all of God's creation is wonderful save these little hellions. You're lying on your bed, or if you're like me, on your box-spring, which is what I've been sleeping on the past month, and you're at peace, about to fall asleep and then...hhuummm...right by your ear. You slap it, thinking I'll kill that little Culicidae (from the Latin culexmeaning midge or gnat^[6]) (thanks Wikipedia) and you end up slapping myself, which is exactly what I think that it wants. If you're like me, inpatient to the point of yelling, and waking your roommate up, you have two options.

1) Lie there, contemplate getting up and turning the lights on, but not doing it. Thinking, this gnat might go away if it gets it's fill of my, deliciously, public-spitied, red-cross-called-me-every-month-while-stateside, O negative blood or,

2) Get up and turn on the lights and try to find it, kill it, and smear it's blood (your blood) on the wall as a signal to all the other mosquitoes that you aren't in Peta, and this ain't Disney's The Bugs Life, and will savor ever second killing every single one of their evil brothers and sisters. Throw your hands up in the air in victory, close the window that caused this whole mess in the first place, and try to go back to sleep. With your blood pumping in the chance of the opportunity to do it again.

Last night I did number two. And last night I slept good.

Things to think about:
-Moving out of small town America despite your lack of funds to do so
-What has kept you alive this long in your life?

Things to watch:
-Smiling Faces

In Architecture the Facade, in Anatomy the Heart

2010-07-27T17:58:00.000-04:00

How much of who you think you want to be is actually someone that you think you’ll ever be? I’ve been learning a lot about myself recently. One thing I’ve realized is that the person that I want people to see me as isn’t the person that I am. I’ve also realized that the person that I want to be isn’t the person that I think I’ll ever be. I want to be interesting so people will find me curious and want to know about me, all in hopes that they’ll love me. Vanity. I construct a façade, which is my life, in order for people to think certain things about me that I want them to think.

Let me try to break this façade down for you. I want to be adventurous so I do adventurous things. I not only want to be adventurous but I want to appear to the people I’m around as adventurous. So I do the things that come with that title. I get hammocks, knives, and camping gear, all to fulfill that dream. My latest attempt at adventure has been slack lining. I like slack lining a lot, but I didn’t start doing it because I liked it. I actually hated it to start out. I started it because I thought it looked cool, it looked like something adventurous people did…and so I did. Façade.

I would also acquire as many books as possible. If someone was giving away books, I wanted them. I would go into goodwill and local book stores and look for classics so people would think I was smart. I’d read some of them, roughly 3 to 4%, and the rest would sit like trophies on my bookshelf telling people how much I read and how smart I was. Me ain’t smart. Façade.

I don’t want to blog about things that hurt because I don’t want to give people the benefit of them knowing that they hurt me. Sometimes it’s much easier to have walls up towards people because, when you don’t let them know that they hurt you, then you know you aren’t giving them the satisfaction of knowing that they bested you. Façade.

The list goes on and on. I would want people to think that I was a rebel, so I would talk in class and show them I was more important than the teacher. I would challenge everyone all the time in hopes that people would realize I wasn’t afraid of anything. I talk to anyone and everyone all the time when I’m with people, when I’m alone this isn’t the case. Façade, façade, façade.

So you ask, “Page, what about you isn’t a façade?” Herein lays the rub. Because I am adventurous, I am smart, I am a rebel, I’m not often hurt, I’m not afraid of much, and I love talking to people. But the opposite is true too. How?

With all the things that you do and everyone that you love, you act a certain way. There is the person that you want to be, there is the person that you want people to see, and there is the person that people see. All of these people make up the person you are, all at the same time.

I’m realizing, in all my adventure here in Prague, how much I just want to settle down and have a lovely wife and unruly kids, and how much I miss home, wherever that is. My point isn’t to not do adventurous things, or to not read, or to be afraid of everything, but rather to do them for the right reasons. And the right reasons aren’t selfish.

I’m now 25 and I still do a lot of the things that make up this façade that I put up but the difference now is that I recognize it and say I’m sorry to the people that I’m hurting because of it. I actively try to let people see who I am by loving them the way Christ loved me. I fail often. Who are you really? Why do you act the way you do? What are you afraid of? Why are you afraid of it? Love. War.

Things to think about

Can you still crack your own back by twisting in your chair?

Changing your habits for a week and seeing what happens.

Things to listen to:

theHeart

She Smoked 'lite' Cigarettes and Drank her Wine with Water

2010-07-17T13:03:00.002-04:00

I was determined to make the most of my time in Prague, but, since I’ve gotten here, all I can do is read this book that an acquaintance turned me on to. Sitting on the metro car, all I was doing was reading the book; sometimes with pods in, sometimes out, while I walked and while I sat. I was entrenched in the story of the people’s lives so distant from lives like mine. Rooting for the protagonist and crying for hurt, I realized that, while reading can be a great thing, I was missing hundreds of opportunities to see people, see their hearts, and help them. Of course my only mission on Earth: to love God and love people.

And so it began...

Sitting in the subway, reading, God spoke to my spirit, “put your book down and look around to help someone.” I said, “ALL RIGHT” in frustration, thinking it was some huge act that God was pushing me towards, knowing he just wanted me to see the people and love them. So I asked God, “Show me who you want me to love.” The first person I saw was a 20-something sitting 10 feet from me listening to music with a handkerchief on his Tupac memorializing head. I thought if I told him that no one wore bandanas like that anymore, let alone at all, and he’d take it off and stop looking stupid. “Love, not judge” came a nudge. I thought about easy ways I could start up a conversation with him. Yo man, what are you listening to, or you like Tupac, you got a cigarette, or any number of millions of ways to start a conversation. I sat in my seat watching. He was listening to some sort of hip-hop the way he was bopin back and forth. He wanted to be American with every ounce of his body; a cross between an 80’s thug wigger and a poser skater. This wasn’t the guy I was going to love. I prayed that he would find his way to someone that could show him the truth.

As I rode, I looked at all the passengers onboard, asking for someone to stick out to me. No one did. I got off the stop and realized that I was riding the wrong way for two stops. I cursed under my breath at how easy the metro system in Prague was and wondered, after two weeks, how I could still mess it up. I was in no rush and nothing pressed my time. I saw this Asian couple worn out from what looked like a hard day of work. The man looked disheveled, old, tired and the woman’s lips curled down as she attempted to rest with her head against the metro car window. “Do you want me to give them money Father?” I only had 350CZK in my wallet and didn’t want to offend them by giving them money. I sat and watched and didn’t feel like I should do anything. I got off the metro and headed up the escalator, this time, at the right stop. I was going to a get-together my TEFL friends were having before they went out.

I got onto the escalator and saw a woman carrying a heavy box, something she bought at the store. I decided I was going to help her carry it. I said can I help you carry your box and picked it up while she was answering. She said “that’s okay” in broken English. I walked and so did she. I explained to her that men were made to carry heavy things.

I followed her to the bus carrying the box and we took a 35 minute ride outside of town to her apartment. Along the way we chatted about America and Prague, and why she knew the English she did, and other various crap that two strangers talk about who meet randomly on a subway escalator asking to carry something for the other. “How I’m going to get home.” The metro stopped at 12 and I had no idea where I was going.

I told her I want to help carry the box to her apartment. She said I don’t understand and I said I will carry till you say stop. She understood, smiled genuinely and we rode. We finally reached her stop walked 100 meters, elevator to floor seven. As I said goodbye she asked me if I wanted to get a drink. I said of course and we walked to a little bar right next to her complex. I got a beer; her, a wine and water. Her English was much better when she could hear everything I was saying in the lack of the metro. We spoke of her family, her work, and astrology. She commented how I was a bull and her, a lion. I thought all of it was bull but didn’t jest. We smoked cigs and chatted about the label on the warnings on the cigarette packages. Kouření může zabíjet. She tried to assure me she was a healthy person that smoked. I told her everyone in Prague smoked and that I didn’t care and don’t judge her, as I ironically lit another. She asked my age and I replied “25,” she said “you’re young” and I shook my head and shadowed “I’m young.” “You?” “36.” I explained my curiosity and how I didn’t understand that no one in Czech had a beard like mine and she said I only saw tourists. We sat for over an hour; she paid, out of her waitress salary, much to my refusal, and said I could get the next one. She walked me down to the bus stop. I got her number and said goodbye. I thanked the Lord for a good night in Praha 10. The sad thing is that this isn’t an everyday occurrence for me but rather the exception to my life.

So why the story? Not because I want to impress you with my ability to make friends with strangers (there are other people much better than I), not to brag about doing something good (that didn’t take that much sacrifice), not to have something to blog about (even though I haven’t been able to write a good blog in months), not to brag about being in Praha while you’re not (even though it’s not as amazing as you would think). I tell the story for the simple reason to show you that people are people everywhere. They need help doing everything. You have the power to help them. God loves you and wants to use you to love others. The exception is going to become the rule for me in my life. Love. War.

Things to think about:

-The best board game on the planet. Trying to be impartial.

-How to communicate with someone that doesn’t speak your language
-My emoticon would have a beard. :-l}

Things to listen to:

My man Michael Gregory:

Just a Little While

My man Michael Alvarado

Marissa Explains it All

Things to read:
We're in over our heads - real time debt clock

Other possible titles for this blog:

-“Melina and I smoked our lungs to death”
-"An Endless Supply of Beer and Cigarettes at my Disposal"

If Hadassah Was my Slave, I'd Let Her Free

2010-07-07T11:39:00.001-04:00

I lied in my hammock and looked up into the trees. Something about them reminded me of home. I cried as I looked at them praying to God to help me understand why I make the choices I make. “God why am I so frustrated.” A surge of calm, frustrated peace swells over me as I begin to understand how powerful is the God that I worship, the lover of Heaven and Earth, and how limited I am at understanding his plan and how I fit into it.

I rode on a subway alone. I sat next to a girl and looked at her. "You speak English?" "No." I sat there for another five minutes thinking how I could communicate with her and a brilliant idea came to me. Use her native language. I pulled out my notebook paper with the few Czech words I've learned. I practiced my Czech with her hoping to maybe make a new friend. She smiled as I pointed to words written down and said them with her repeating them to me. Dobry den. Hello. Pronounced dough bree den. Dobre. Good. Pronounced dobscher. Jak se mate. How are you. Pronounced yuack sue motey. She smiled as I looked into her eyes for a brief moment wanting to know everything about her life. I got off at the next exit saying goodbye in her native tongue, "Nashledeanon," knowing I’d never see her again and not caring one way or another.

They told me not to talk to Czech people in the subway. I told them I’ll talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere and I would do it often. I love people.

I’m overwhelmingly tired and I haven’t eaten much today (A few cashews and a bun of bread). I’ve always prided myself in not suffering from desynchronosis and not needing much food. I’ve also always prided myself in my ability to handle living overseas. So far my pride hasn’t been crushed…even though I pray for it.

Things to think about:

-If you were a slave would you be able to handle it, or are you too selfish?

-Would you abort a baby or decide to have it?

Things to read:

A Voice in The Wind - Francine Rivers

Spy Swap

Girls Have Liked Me in the Past, in the Future, Women

2010-06-27T00:58:00.000-04:00

I wish I could pour my heart out but wisdom tells me to hold back and be cautious. Friends are for pouring your heart out, not blogs.

I’m flying to Prague July 3^rd. I’ve never been to Europe. Although the reason for my flight and my departure from the great continent of North America is at worst selfish and at best selfless.

Who teaches boys how to become men? Who explains to the next generation how not to suck?

With varying thoughts running through my head I want to offer this bit of reconcilably advice. Have no expectations. Have no expectations what you think should happen in your life. Have no expectations on how you think people should act. Have no expectations what you think your friends should do. Expectations are the thing that causes disappointment. And disappointment is the thing that makes people act in ways they wouldn’t normally act. (If normal is even possible)

My stomach growls. My head aches. My thirst is not quenched. Where can I find water that would allow me to never have to draw from any well ever again?

Things to think about:

-Older people don’t understand the proper way to use Facebook.

-Dancers are unbelievably attractive.

If You Play Your Cards Right, Your Future and my Future Might Collide

2010-06-23T21:01:00.000-04:00

I cruise in my brother’s Acura on interstate 40 headed to Greensboro. I hit 90 and tell myself I don’t need to drive as fast as the other cars. I slow to a cool 70 getting passed by blacks and whites alike in their Lexus’ and Mercedes’. I’m feeling the best I ever have. Graduation has opened doors to pursue anything I’m interested in. In comes the question then: what am I interested in?

I wonder a lot if I’ve ever thought anything original. Are there still new thoughts to be had? I know for a fact that I’ve never thought anything original about love. What I’ve felt in my heart has been raw and passionate and unquenchable at times, but I know those thoughts have been shared by billions upon billions of people that have existed. I also know for a fact that I’ve never thought anything original about hate, even though Valentina would say I hate a lot, usually in reference to commercials, which I do hate. I know that thousands of men and woman have hated more than me. The obvious examples are Stalin who hated the peasantry and Obama who hates economic progress.

You ask then, how does this tie into graduation and having original thoughts? I want to start a company and, for the past two years, have been trying to come up with an idea that is different from the rest. I had the idea for a treadmill that was for swimming back when I was like 13 and then it came out, someone had already thought of it. I had the idea for headphones in the pool but they already had those. I came up with the idea for a site, kind of like chatroulette (without the penis’) and then there they were. What I’m saying is there is nothing new under the sun. Ideas have been had and had and had again. So that brings me to one possible solution. Don’t do something that has never been done because that’s impossible, but rather do something that has been done better than everyone else has done it before. And I know that I can do that.

But what can you do. I suggest that you be constantly afraid of life around you and don’t try new things for fear of failing. I suggest being comfortable in your house watching thousands of TV shows whose very existence hinges on whether you live or die. I suggest never getting to know anyone around you because hell, they aren’t lonely and they don’t want to get to know you anyway. I suggest doing exactly the same thing you’re doing because the opposite is just too selfless. Or do my suggestions fall on deaf ears? I'm not judging you because things aren't this black and white. But you know what your heart is telling you. And you know that God is a righteous judge.

Things to think about

-Alvin Greene won the South Carolina Democrat primary. ha. awesome.

-World Cup refs really hate the American Soccer team

-Giving your money to a good kid who is starving

Things to watch:

Powerful, emotional. Brian "Head" Welch. I am second.

Best Seinfeld clip in history

Things to read:

The Supreme Court matters

Pick, Pluck, Pluck off, Gather...Horace Regrets Using this Title

2010-05-30T20:18:00.001-04:00

People that say that they live their life with no regrets are either lying or have no goals. I think it’s safe to say that I have probably 10 to 15 regrets per day. Let’s take today for instance. I woke up and wish I’d went running but instead I can’t even remember what I did. Regret number one. Redbox blessed me with another half interesting movie that I watched by myself. Regret number two, watching the movie. Regret number three watching Sherlock Holmes. I wanted to make myself some eggs for breakfast but the thought of preparing food for myself, alone, was depressing, so I just ate cereal. So when I went running later in the day I was hungry because I didn’t make eggs. Regret number five. The sun was out in full force when I did decide to go running and it was miserably hot. Regret number six.

(It’s amazing how not doing something can be a regret and then once you do it you regret it equally much.)

Now you might say, “Page those are all stupid regrets and when people are talking about living with no regrets they are talking more about big life decision regrets.” So I’ll take some time to address the big life decision regrets that I have now too. I have credit card debt from over-spending on good things and bad. Regret. I have hooked up with girls selfishly that I wish I hadn’t hooked up with. Regret. I never did a main stage play in college. Regret. I didn’t make good grades in high school, something that I could have easily done. Regret. I didn’t make good grades in college, something that I could have easily done. Regret. I flew to Wisconsin. Regret. I got into an argument with my sister and pushed her down. Regret. I’ve made a lot of people angry with me because of the way I spoke to them. Regret. I have spent a lot of time doing stupid things like playing video games, reading news articles, and watching the news. Regret.

While you live your life, there are regrets, big and small, each and every day that you encounter. Just because you don’t call them regrets doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Things that you wish didn’t happen. Some regrets are simple and some aren’t so simple. Now you can take these regrets and chose to let them run your life, always feeling guilty for things, or you can repent of them and turn and follow Jesus.

If you tell me that you’ve lived life with no regrets then I won’t believe you. Because there is at least one thing in your life that you wish you’d have done differently. Even if you have regrets, that doesn’t matter because living life isn’t about living with no regrets but rather loving God and loving the orphan, the widow, and the stranger.

Things to think about:

-Hanging a towel to dry in the bathroom, the moistest room in the house.

-Carrie Bradshaw beating Kramer by two in Entertainment Weekly’s 100 best characters of the last 20 years. Get real.

-What type of awesome stuff is in the White House that we don’t know about.

-Obama taking a vacation during the 40 day oil spill

Things to read:

100 Best Characters

Obama on vacation

Remember Now Your Creator in the Days of Your Youth, Before the Difficult Days Come

2010-05-05T21:55:00.001-04:00

In the grand scheme of things a lot doesn’t matter. Girls who give you their number and really don’t want you to call them, people you meet at parties that are too drunk to remember you, and all the things you collect in your house that sit…and don’t get used.

I spend a lot of time wishing people weren’t the way they were. I spend a lot of time trying to understand why it is that people do the things that they do. Most of my understanding has come from wisdom that I’ve prayed for. I’ve prayed for wisdom more than I’ve prayed for anything else.

Vanity of vanities, all is vanity… For in much wisdom is much grief, And he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.

For what it’s worth I’ve found this to be true. Although I don’t have a lot of wisdom I have seen what it means for wisdom to cause grief. It causes you to question why people do everything. It makes you sit back and wonder about everything. One of my friends once asked me why I wanted to gain so much wisdom and I didn’t know why. Now I know that the reason is because I don’t ever want people to think that I’m a fool.

Then I saw that wisdom excels folly As light excels darkness. The wise man’s eyes are in his head, But the fool walks in darkness, Yet I myself perceived That the same event happens to them all. So I said in my heart, “As is happens to the fool, It also happens to me, And why was I then more wise?” Then I said in my heart, “This also is vanity.” For there is no more remembrance of the wise than of the fool forever, Since all that now is will be forgotten in the days to come. And how does a wise man die? As the fool! Therefore I hated life because the work that was done under the sun was distressing to me, for all is vanity and grasping for the wind. You should read on…it gets better. Love. War.

Things to think about:

-Life, love, liberty

-The order of the books in the Bible has been changed over time

-Jesus in pictures is always white.

If Your Life Sucks a Good Antidote is Nostalgia, or Adventure

2010-05-02T21:41:00.000-04:00

I think I say to my friends, more than once each day, how crazy life is. I’ll say something like this, “gosh, life, man it’s crazy.” I have one more exam till I’m done with my undergrad education. Something that has taken me roughly six and half years to complete. That’s crazy.

I feel pretty nostalgic currently. I had a devastatingly sad fit of nostalgia two nights ago, aided by Coldplay and being alone.

So what’s to be learned from being nostalgic? It’s sad to think about all the people that I used to be friends with that I’m no longer friends with. It’s sad to think about the amount of classes that I’ve been in that I just tried to pass and didn’t spend as much time as I could learning the material. I’d like not to give a life lesson on making the most of your time in college by putting all you have into it, but rather, tell you with an analogy.

There is a climbing wall on Appalachian State’s campus that I just recently started climbing on. My friend Elisabeth, with an S, asked me if I wanted to climb and since I love doing new things, I, of course, wanted to. She introduced me to bouldering and I have been forever hooked. Particular routes, with hand and foot holds, are marked using tape and are rated by difficulty. One star, two star, and three star. The rules are that, in order to complete a route, you can only touch with your hands or feet the holds which have the particular color of tape of the route you’re climbing.

I wasn’t a natural but I picked up climbing fairly quickly and enjoyed challenging myself. Once I got past most of the one star routes, one in particular making my hands bleed, I started on the two star. The jump from one star to two star is almost unbelievable. I’ve said out loud many times when trying a two star, “Is this a joke?” But this isn’t the analogy yet. The analogy is this.

The two star climbs are so hard that I had to spend hours and hours working on them. I’d go up to a route try it and not even get the first hold. I’d work on it an hour and finally get that hold. I would leave, come back to the gym and try that same route again. I’d see people do the same route with ease and knew that I could also do it but I wasn’t strong enough yet. Just to give you an idea there are roughly 5 to 7 holds per route and I would spend about forty five minutes to an hour trying to get to the next hold. Mind you, that when you get to, say hold 4, and you fall, you have to start all over again to accomplish the route. I would go to the gym for an hour each day and get one more hold.

Some of the two stars came easier than others but there was this one that haunted me every time I entered the gym. Like every other time I put my shoes on, put chalk on my, once bleeding, now callused hands, and attempted the climb again, I would fall and people would give me advice and I would try again. There was one hold that I couldn’t get. I looked at it in the face thinking: it’s so stupid that I can’t do this. After spending roughly 6 hours on this climb I got to a point that I’d never got to before, I hung on for dear life, willed myself to the next hold and finally jumped to the final hold 12 feet off the ground. I hung there for a second in amazement thinking, “I did it.”

I let go and landed on the ground and let out a huge yell that could be heard by the hearing impaired. The staff said, “No yelling please.” This sense of accomplishment has almost never been rivaled in my life. I worked so hard and so diligently on one route for 7 hours and finally, one time, I got it. I was ecstatic. I was elated. I was jubilant. I was triumphant. The only thing I could think was: why does it feel so good to accomplish something that took so many hours and why are there not more things like this in my life.

I want my entire life to be like this climb. I want to see my end goal in life, have 5 to 7 holds to get to that goal and work on each hold till I get it…even if it takes an hour on each. The desire to have a story to tell when I die doesn’t permit me to live my life like I’m not climbing a route. Some people work this hard at college, I didn’t, and don’t. I didn’t care about the goal of graduating. This next season of my life is going to be spent accomplishing goals that I want to accomplish and not wasting time doing things that aren’t story worthy. If you’ve never climbed before, turn the TV off, get out of your bed, and do something you've never done. I’d love to go with you. Depression years for a happier life. Nostalgia yearns for a return to the past. This man isn't going to spend any more time on depression or nostalgia, rather I'm moving on. I'll end with a quote from A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. "...I wish people who struggle against dark thoughts would risk their hopes on living a good story-by that I mean finding a team of people doing hard work for a noble cause, and joining them. I think they'd be surprised at how soon their sad thoughts would dissipate..." I agree. Love. War.

Things you should think about:

-Fire just happens to burn things. The eyeball just happens to work. There has to be something else going on than happenstance.

-Doing things that make your hands bleed makes you feel like a man

-Drinking beer gets old

-Women are beautiful

Things to watch:

God or no God...good debate

I Have Attention Deficit Disorder and Breakfast Desire Disorder

2010-04-13T13:13:00.001-04:00

My friend recently started a blog. She once said that there wasn’t anything that she thought other people would want to read that she had to say. I thought in my head how sad it was that someone would say that or at least not think they had things to talk about that mattered. I suppose a lot of people don’t have anything good to say or wise to pass on to other people. I think of guys in the weight room that I’ve been working out next to for the past 2 months. Meatheads I call them and I judge them.

I judge people that say they have ADD too. When someone says that they have ADD I’m always like ‘oh really.’ Not that I think that someone that has ADD is stupid for not being able to pay attention but, rather, I don’t even believe that it is a real disorder any more than liking to have breakfast in the morning or a man playing video games.

"The symptoms of ADHD include inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity. These are traits that most children display at some point or another. But with ADHD, which stands for attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, or what was referred to as ADD -- attention deficit disorder -- the symptoms are inappropriate for the child's age.

ADHD is common in children and teens. But adults also can have ADHD. With ADHD in adults, there may be some variation in symptoms. For instance, an adult may experience restlessness instead of hyperactivity. In addition, adults with ADHD consistently have problems with interpersonal relationships and employment." (WebMD.com)

If ADHD is common in children, then it’s not a disorder but rather an order. And being hyperactive is a symptom of being a child regardless of age.

People always ask me if I’ve ever been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD and I tell them no. My parents knew that I had a lot of energy as a kid and so my father used to tell me to calm down and if I didn’t he would punish me. He would make us kids sit on the couch for 20 minutes and we weren’t allowed to move. My mom yelled “go outside” to us kids more times than I can count. If you think you have ADD, going and playing outside is something that can “cure” you.

I want to think about what it means if someone has ADD. Attention deficit disorder. Now it’s true that kids might have a problem paying attention, sitting still, or even focusing on doing work, but the second you say that they have a disorder they immediately think that how they’re acting is okay when it’s not. It’s like being addicted to something and justifying your addiction by saying you have an addictive personality. News flash…everyone has an addictive personality. What I mean is that if you tell a child to sit still and pay attention, they think in their minds either that they don’t have to because they can’t because of their disorder or that they shouldn’t have to because of their disorder. Give that same child some awesome toy they’ll have no trouble keeping their attention on it for hours.

If a child has ADD what is it that they usually have trouble paying attention to…is it video games, or playing a soccer game…no it isn’t. It’s usually sitting down and doing work, or doing something that the child doesn’t want to do that requires discipline. If they have an attention disorder wouldn’t it reason that they have trouble paying attention to everything…I mean it is a disorder, right?

There are some things that can cure “ADD” very quickly. Punishment, activity, and love. The first one usually applies to a developing child. You need to make sure your kid is active, you need to explain and show your child you love them and you need to punish them with spanking them if they don’t behave. If you don’t believe me that activity is a cure for ADD read this article. It’s so obvious it’s stupid.

Things to read:

-The cure for ADD

-ADD symptoms

Things to think about:

-Take her on a date...even if you're scared to ask

-The WePad vs. the iPad

-Is taking medicine for disorders a cop out?

-Why does the Federal Government not follow the constitution?

I Don't Know if I'm More Skinny or More Crazy

2010-04-10T09:21:00.001-04:00

It’s unbelievably hard not to believe the things that people say about you. Not only that, but you almost become the thing that people say that you are, regardless of whether or not you want to. You know what I’m talking about. Someone constantly telling you that you’re great or that you’re stupid or that you’re ugly or that you have a funny laugh, or that you’re an airhead. You can’t not believe these things that people say about you because they are true. If they weren’t true they wouldn’t say them.

It is weird the things that people chose to say to you. There are things that people say to me that I don’t necessary think to be true but because people say them so many times, I just assume that they are true regardless of my feelings.

People tell me all the time how skinny I am. I don’t think that I’m that skinny because I see people and a lot of people are more skinny than me, but I know that I am skinny because so many people tell me. So I started to change what my definition of skinny looks like to where I now fit into this definition.

There are other things that people say about me that I have total instant control over, like how crazy I am. People tell me that I’m crazy…they say things like “dude, you’re crazy,” “HAHA, you’re crazy,” “well I’m not crazy like you,” “Page you’re crazy.” Again I don’t believe I’m that crazy and so I have changed my definition of crazy to allow room for me and my actions to fit into this definition. I will admit that I’m a little more animated than a lot of people that I come into contact with and maybe a little more passionate.

But I don’t want to talk about me or why I’m crazy any more than trying to understand why it is that we do the things that we do. I’ll try to explain with my example of being crazy how I think what people say about us affects us.

The cycle looks a little bit like this. I do something, people say that I’m crazy, I like that people think that of me, and so I do more things throughout my life that line up with what I think to be crazy. I then take the positive feedback along with the negative and change my actions accordingly to meet the expectations of others while still staying true to who I am as a person.

So what is it that people say about you that has changed the way that you are as a person? Maybe you have done some mooching and now people call you a mooch. Now you’re in your friends kitchen about to take something to eat that isn’t yours and you tell yourself…well, I am a mooch.

Or maybe people have always told you that you are quiet and since you are quiet you have come to think that this is who you are and that you’re defined by this characteristic that you have. And you think that you shouldn’t speak up and say something because people aren’t going to hear what you actually say, but rather focus on that you said anything.

It’s okay to be certain things that people think about you. Rather than being who people think that you are, think about what it is that you want to be and start to change yourself to be that thing. If you’re tired of being quiet, pick the right times and speak your mind. If you hate your laugh and people have always told you it’s annoying, change the way that you laugh to something that you like a lot better.

If you’re an airhead and you don’t like that, start reading more books and talking to people about deep subjects and you’ll slowly become less of an airhead.

People might tell you that if change things about yourself that you’re being fake but I just want to tell you that you aren’t being fake by changing who you are anymore than you are being fake by holding your tongue when you shouldn’t say something to someone that will hurt their feelings, especially if people have always told you that you are so honest and blunt. Holding your tongue for the sake of someone else’s feelings isn’t fake but rather responsible and admirable.

I always hear people say that I shouldn’t tell people to change because I’m not letting them be true to who they are. I would argue that no one is true to who they are so you should always change for the better. Stop being the crappy person that you are, figure out what it is that God doesn’t like about you and change it. We’re all a product of our culture, some more than others, but just because you’re a product of it doesn’t mean that you have to act like it. love. war.

Things to think about:

-Tiger Woods is actually sorry

-Techno music

-Does pornography have any positive affects? Does it?

Things to read:

-Is health care a right?

Things to watch:

-auto-tune the news

It Wasn't a Bracket Buster but Rather a Heart Buster

2010-03-27T11:11:00.000-04:00

Last night was a tough night for me emotionally. Sports. We all love them in some aspect or another. So what is it about sports that invoke such emotions from us?

Last night I was angry that Syracuse lost in the sweet 16. If you don’t know anything about college basketball, Syracuse could have won the championship this year. We had star talent, a hall of fame coach, and an amazing season. But we lost 3 games before the big game. And I’m sad to say that I was angry because of that loss. It doesn’t make sense to me why I was so emotionally tied to a team that I don’t give anything to and that doesn’t give anything to me but entertainment. I didn’t help this team win any of their games. I didn’t pay to cheer them on outside of my television. I didn’t coach or teach any of them for any period of time. Hell, these players don’t even know or care that I exist but yet I lied in bed thinking, I can’t believe they lost, why did we play so bad, why did I just use the word we in that last question? As if I’m part of their team. What an awful game.

I watch and I cheer and yell but I can just as easily turn around and cheer for the other team without blinking an eye. Now I’m not talking about being a band wagon fan but I’m talking about realizing how vain it is to root so emotionally for a team that it ruins your night or causes relationships that you have in your life to be strained.

So if someone can turn around and start cheering for a team that they cheered against the night before, it only reasons that what your cheering for doesn’t really matter and isn’t really life. It’s all fake. It’s all a game. It doesn’t matter. And it’s not real life.

Sports are what they are: entertainment and I don’t want to take the emotions out of a big win or a big loss. Just like I don’t want to take the emotions out of movies that change peoples’ lives, even though they are not real and all parts are played by actors. But if you take a step back for a second and look at yourself, how you appear to others when you get so infuriated that you make people around think you have no self control then there’s a problem.

So last night I realized as I lay in bed that I can’t control who wins or who loses. I can’t control how much practice someone puts into a game. I can’t control or help how good the teams are that we’re playing. One thing I do have control over is how many times I write Hentri, my sponsor child. I can control how many times I tell my parents I love them. I can control how often I decide to do go out of my way to love people. I can control how many times I decide to lust, or get angry, or hate. So in the words of Roger Trimble “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” So I’m going to start caring more about the things in my life that I can control and stop caring about the things in life that I can’t trust. I can always trust God because he is trustworthy. And he never fails unlike Syracuse basketball…which save 2003 always fails. Love. War.

Things to think about
-giving money to someone that needs it more than you
-quitting your job and just going
-unlimited demand with limited supply equals long waiting lines

Things to read
-Maddox

I Wonder if Jesus Would of Drunk Tea on the Cross…oh Wait he was Dying

2010-03-12T23:30:00.003-05:00

What is it about buying hot tea that makes you feel somewhat refined, or even eclectic? Why is it that being eclectic is a good thing? I think everyone is pretty normal and in their normalcy, tend to do things that are normal. The amount of men that play call of duty amazes me. The amount of women that care about what’s going on in the life of Snookie from the Jersey Shore is equally amazing to me. Are these the things that man and woman have been whittled down to after 6000 years of existence. To be fair I think that more men watch Jersey Shore than women play Call of Duty, but that doesn’t matter.

I sit in a coffee shop watching my very hot “Herbal Revive Tea by Twining of London” cool down. If you drink tea are you more interesting? If you go to coffee shops are you better than the person that goes to the gym to lift weights? It’s probably not a question of objective bettership but rather subjective bettership.

My friend Meghan told me that I seem distant today while we sat and spied on someone for a project that was due in one of her classes. I am distant today and I’m not sure why. Maybe society or the self-serving nature of human beings wears me out. This thing Christianity pushes me towards is loving people. This loving people specifically is pretty easy but very hard in a vague sense. I find myself hating a lot of people. This isn’t because I’m odd or have a sense about me that’s much different from the average human being (not that being different from average is bad, but probably rather a good thing) but rather I think on a deeper level of thinking than my average peer.

Let me try to explain my position in as clear a way as I possibly can. I think that people care about things. I think that the things people care about are very natural and even good. Dying mothers and fathers, friends being hurt by lovers, having to pay the town a fine just so they can get money to exist, are all things that people care about. Going to hear live bands and singing and dancing your heart out are all things that ring deep within us. The things that I’m talking about that don’t matter are dying mothers and fathers, friends being hurt by lovers and having to pay the town a fine just so they can exist…and of course dancing to live bands with loud music.

What I mean by this is that there are things that happen in life that we can’t separate ourselves from but Jesus is asking us to separate ourselves from. This is a dying to yourself. “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” Who are you serving? God…or man…or your flesh? “But Jesus said, ‘Follow me and allow the dead to bury the dead.’” Love. War.

Things to think about:

When reading scripture make sure to put it in context.
What’s a business idea that you’ve had and would like to start?